I can't believe it's already been 4 years. Four years ago today, my good friend, Nathan, went home to be with Jesus. Every summer without fail, it's like I relive the event, but each time it gets a bit easier. It's still hard to miss a friend and to live with not understanding what God is doing through all of that, but t gets easier to rejoice that my dear friend is home.
Here is an article where his pastor told of what a great man of God he was just after his accident.
My favorite part is the last quote by Rev. Finley.
"There'll be a lot of questions over the next couple days of why, why. But we believe in the sovereignty of God. Nathan's in a better place now."
We do, indeed, believe in a God that is sovereign and sometimes that's all there is to cling to. Psalm 119:49-50 says this: "Remember your word to your servant, for you have given me hope. My comfort in suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life." God is a life giving God and the truth is that Nathan is more alive now than any of us still facing death and decay here on earth. He is home.
Below is a video of a song that I heard just after the accident happen as I was driving to work. It gave me huge peace then and still does. I imagined Nathan walking into Jesus' living room where he was welcomed in and given a seat on the couch and cold Dr. Pepper; sitting and chatting with the Savior. I still smile as I think about that. As my friend's dad said, "He skateboarding with Jesus, now kids." So glad you're home, Nate.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Just plain good...a good time for moving forward.
For the first time in a long time, I look around and see just how good life is.
I have a job that I love (after the first few weeks of starting) and allows me to also have time that is not filled with work or homework. I have a place to live. I have wonderful friends to spend time with, go on adventures with, and share life with. The sun is out and I am soaking it up!
As I look back on my time in college, especially the last year, it is difficult to believe that it is over. I loved college soo much and I guess maybe that's why I'm so excited to continue by walking alongside college students in their lives and spiritual journeys. It's just such a unique time of your life where there is freedom, chaos, exploring new things, and sharing every area of your life with the people around you. You are challenged intellectually, socially, spiritually, and probably any other -ly you could think of. Mmm..college...I think I was made for an experience like this.
All that being said, I'm so relieved to be done. Maybe that doesn't really make sense..but as I look back on college fondly, I see a lot of things that I hope to overcome as well. Because I love people so much, I became dependent on the people around me to feel whole. I couldn't say "no" to any outing, often overbooked myself, and had to call someone anytime I was bored or by myself. This was something that I overcame on internship because I had to, but fell way too easily back into that pattern when I returned to classes last year. Relationships became something that my life revolved around and while Christ calls us to be in community, it is not meant to be a replacement for a relationship that makes Him the center. Additionally, I look back and see something that terrifies me. In college, I was an overcommitted, over scheduled, stressed overachiever with too much to do, too many places to go, and too many people to please. By the end of this past school year, I was spent and unsure if I could jump into what the future held. I was stressed, often short with people when deadlines and activities approached, and had no time to be present with people. It was an unfortunate way to spend such a wonderful time in my life and my hope is that I learned enough from it never to do that again. Right before graduating, I began to feel physical effects of my stress and knew that something had to change. I'm grateful for the experience, grateful that I could see and learn from that experience, and grateful for an opportunity to move forward and do things differently.
That's the thing about moving forward, ya know? You have to keep doing it...life goes on and so shall we. But our moving forward becomes all the more meaningful when we can glance backward and see how far we've come and what we've learned for the next leg of our journey. The thing about moving forward is that it's good to look backward from time to time and thank the Lord that He didn't leave you stuck a few steps ago.
I am able to look back and see how much I have already grown since graduation. I have been adjusting to living by myself as well as still spending time with friends. I am not stressed, but feel productive. I am not overbooked, but am out living life! Amazingly enough, the "freedom" that people have talked about having in college has been found in me only after I've graduated.
This past week in a devotion we read about the children of Israel passing into the Promised Land by way of crossing the Jordan. The Lord parted the waters so that they could walk through and told them to take stones from the dry river bed and build an altar of remembrance so they would not forget how far God had brought them and how faithful He is. That's our challenge. Look around...look back at yesterday...see what God is doing, what He's brought you through and proclaim His goodness!
He said to the Israelites, "In the future when your descendants ask their fathers, 'What do these stones mean?' 22 tell them, 'Israel crossed the Jordan on dry ground.' 23 For the LORD your God dried up the Jordan before you until you had crossed over. The LORD your God did to the Jordan just what he had done to the Red Sea when he dried it up before us until we had crossed over. 24 He did this so that all the peoples of the earth might know that the hand of the LORD is powerful and so that you might always fear the LORD your God." Joshua 4:21-24
For centuries, the Israelites have claimed the pilgrimage of their people. Even now, if you would ask a Jew about who crossed the Red Sea and was freed from slavery in Egypt, they would boldly respond, "we did." We remember and participate in how God saw His people through generation after generation and become a testament to His provision. Sovereign and Faithful is His Name. And then we rejoice! Rejoice in the Promise Land of salvation that is right now and that is to come! Because the thing is, as I was so strongly reminded today, death is not the end of our moving forward. It's the beginning. Shadows loom over our journey, but the truth is this:
"Jesus has overcome and the grave is overwhelmed. The victory is won. He has risen from the dead and I will rise when He calls my name."
So with that joy and expectation, I move forward.
I have a job that I love (after the first few weeks of starting) and allows me to also have time that is not filled with work or homework. I have a place to live. I have wonderful friends to spend time with, go on adventures with, and share life with. The sun is out and I am soaking it up!
As I look back on my time in college, especially the last year, it is difficult to believe that it is over. I loved college soo much and I guess maybe that's why I'm so excited to continue by walking alongside college students in their lives and spiritual journeys. It's just such a unique time of your life where there is freedom, chaos, exploring new things, and sharing every area of your life with the people around you. You are challenged intellectually, socially, spiritually, and probably any other -ly you could think of. Mmm..college...I think I was made for an experience like this.
All that being said, I'm so relieved to be done. Maybe that doesn't really make sense..but as I look back on college fondly, I see a lot of things that I hope to overcome as well. Because I love people so much, I became dependent on the people around me to feel whole. I couldn't say "no" to any outing, often overbooked myself, and had to call someone anytime I was bored or by myself. This was something that I overcame on internship because I had to, but fell way too easily back into that pattern when I returned to classes last year. Relationships became something that my life revolved around and while Christ calls us to be in community, it is not meant to be a replacement for a relationship that makes Him the center. Additionally, I look back and see something that terrifies me. In college, I was an overcommitted, over scheduled, stressed overachiever with too much to do, too many places to go, and too many people to please. By the end of this past school year, I was spent and unsure if I could jump into what the future held. I was stressed, often short with people when deadlines and activities approached, and had no time to be present with people. It was an unfortunate way to spend such a wonderful time in my life and my hope is that I learned enough from it never to do that again. Right before graduating, I began to feel physical effects of my stress and knew that something had to change. I'm grateful for the experience, grateful that I could see and learn from that experience, and grateful for an opportunity to move forward and do things differently.
That's the thing about moving forward, ya know? You have to keep doing it...life goes on and so shall we. But our moving forward becomes all the more meaningful when we can glance backward and see how far we've come and what we've learned for the next leg of our journey. The thing about moving forward is that it's good to look backward from time to time and thank the Lord that He didn't leave you stuck a few steps ago.
I am able to look back and see how much I have already grown since graduation. I have been adjusting to living by myself as well as still spending time with friends. I am not stressed, but feel productive. I am not overbooked, but am out living life! Amazingly enough, the "freedom" that people have talked about having in college has been found in me only after I've graduated.
This past week in a devotion we read about the children of Israel passing into the Promised Land by way of crossing the Jordan. The Lord parted the waters so that they could walk through and told them to take stones from the dry river bed and build an altar of remembrance so they would not forget how far God had brought them and how faithful He is. That's our challenge. Look around...look back at yesterday...see what God is doing, what He's brought you through and proclaim His goodness!
He said to the Israelites, "In the future when your descendants ask their fathers, 'What do these stones mean?' 22 tell them, 'Israel crossed the Jordan on dry ground.' 23 For the LORD your God dried up the Jordan before you until you had crossed over. The LORD your God did to the Jordan just what he had done to the Red Sea when he dried it up before us until we had crossed over. 24 He did this so that all the peoples of the earth might know that the hand of the LORD is powerful and so that you might always fear the LORD your God." Joshua 4:21-24
For centuries, the Israelites have claimed the pilgrimage of their people. Even now, if you would ask a Jew about who crossed the Red Sea and was freed from slavery in Egypt, they would boldly respond, "we did." We remember and participate in how God saw His people through generation after generation and become a testament to His provision. Sovereign and Faithful is His Name. And then we rejoice! Rejoice in the Promise Land of salvation that is right now and that is to come! Because the thing is, as I was so strongly reminded today, death is not the end of our moving forward. It's the beginning. Shadows loom over our journey, but the truth is this:
"Jesus has overcome and the grave is overwhelmed. The victory is won. He has risen from the dead and I will rise when He calls my name."
So with that joy and expectation, I move forward.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Sitting...
1 I love the LORD, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy.
2 Because he turned his ear to me,
I will call on him as long as I live.
3 The cords of death entangled me,
the anguish of the grave a]">[a] came upon me;
I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.
4 Then I called on the name of the LORD :
"O LORD, save me!"
5 The LORD is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion.
6 The LORD protects the simplehearted;
when I was in great need, he saved me.
7 Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the LORD has been good to you.
8 For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling,
9 that I may walk before the LORD
in the land of the living.
10 I believed; therefore b]">[b] I said,
"I am greatly afflicted."
11 And in my dismay I said,
"All men are liars."
12 How can I repay the LORD
for all his goodness to me?
13 I will lift up the cup of salvation
and call on the name of the LORD.
14 I will fulfill my vows to the LORD
in the presence of all his people.
15 Precious in the sight of the LORD
is the death of his saints.
16 O LORD, truly I am your servant;
I am your servant, the son of your maidservant c]">[c] ;
you have freed me from my chains.
17 I will sacrifice a thank offering to you
and call on the name of the LORD.
18 I will fulfill my vows to the LORD
in the presence of all his people,
19 in the courts of the house of the LORD—
in your midst, O Jerusalem.
Praise the LORD. Psalm 166
So much has happened in the last 2 weeks that it is incredible. I have finished my last college classes, taken finals, graduated, given a speech, moved out of one apartment, moved in to another apartment, said many goodbyes and see ya laters knowing that some relationships will be different and grateful others will stay the same, and drove home. The past few days have just been breathing. That's about all I am capable of and trust me, it's done me good. I came home still feeling so tense and stressed from all of finals and changes, but I've begun to relax. Part of that process has come out of a message from a pastor at the sending service for graduating church workers. He talked about sitting in God's Word and that being the only thing that brings rest and renewal. His theme was "Sit to be Sent." When we are stressed or not being filled, we try to fill our schedules and end up cluttering our hearts and minds instead of clearing them. This is one of the easiest roads to being burned out. I am so guilty of such things and let me tell you, the results are devastating. I become high strung, edgy, and not present or patient with people. When I try so hard to be about everything and everyone else, it's only me that I begin to focus on. So what's the solution? Sitting in God's Word. I'm at home...it's quiet...relaxed...and I've got to get back to what's important: starting and ending my day in the Word.
This transition has been a very strange one for me. It's taking me awhile to digest that I'm not going to be living with my roommates anymore, there will be no more papers to write, I won't be up all night finishing projects over pizza, and this strange end to a journey has some how morphed into a new beginning. It's sad to say goodbye to that chapter of life, but it has been good to take a step back from it, let it all sink in, and see what's happened and where I've come from. It's good to sit.
So Psalm 116...it's been helpful in sitting. Verse 7 reads: "Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you." It has helped me to breathe. I can rest in the truth that God is good. He has been SO good to me in the past few years and I have no reason to doubt His goodness for the future. He hears us. He delivers us. He is faithful. Even when things are more difficult, His Word stands so that we can sit in it. We sit and rest. So that we might be sent out to serve.
For now...I'm letting my heart rate get back to normal, letting the muscle tension subside, and watching the anxiety disappear as I sit. I'm excited for what's next and it's going to be great..after I've sat...to be sent.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
No One is Like Our God.
It is incredible that the God we serve is not a God who stands at a distance. He is not a God who watches from afar and stays uninvolved in the lives of His people. He is not a God who says "fend for yourself" or "I gave you the tools; go do it already."
He is a God who sustains. "Man cannot live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the Lord." He is a God that brings rest. "He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul." He is a God that takes life on for us. "He who knew no sin became sin for us."
We are so affected by the circumstances of our world. His love for us, however, is unaffected by anything. Nothing can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus.
So I breathe the Spirit in and out and give thanks for being sustained.
That is all.
He is a God who sustains. "Man cannot live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the Lord." He is a God that brings rest. "He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul." He is a God that takes life on for us. "He who knew no sin became sin for us."
We are so affected by the circumstances of our world. His love for us, however, is unaffected by anything. Nothing can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus.
So I breathe the Spirit in and out and give thanks for being sustained.
That is all.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Is it graduation yet?
This entire break (and especially today) I have been the epitome of senioritis.
I have exhausted all motivation and all physical and mental wherewithal to accomplish academic tasks.
This could be a long night..
I have exhausted all motivation and all physical and mental wherewithal to accomplish academic tasks.
This could be a long night..
Friday, March 12, 2010
Friday night at home
A Table for Two by Caedmon's Call
Danny and I spent another late night over pancakes,
Talkin' 'bout soccer
And how every man's just the same
We made speculation
On the who's and the when's of our futures
And how everyone's lonely
But still we just couldn't complain
And how we just hate being alone
Could I have missed my only chance
And now I'm just wasting my time
By looking around
But you know I know better
I'm not gonna worry 'bout nothing
Cause if the birds and the flowers survive
Then I'll make it okay
I'm given a chance and a rock
see which one breaks a window
See which one keeps me up all night and into the day
Because I'm so scared of being alone
That I forget what house I live in
But it's not my job to wait by the phone
For her to call
Well this day's been crazy
But everything's happened on schedule
from the rain and the cold
To the drink that I spilled on my shirt
'Cause You knew how You'd save me
before I fell dead in the garden
And You knew this day
long before You made me out of dirt
And You know the plans that You have for me
And You can't plan the end and not plan the means
And so I suppose I just need some peace
Just to get me to sleep.
Because I'm so scared of being alone
That I forget what house I live in
But it's not my job to wait by the phone
Learning not to be lonely and resting in Jesus...it's a lifelong lesson.
Danny and I spent another late night over pancakes,
Talkin' 'bout soccer
And how every man's just the same
We made speculation
On the who's and the when's of our futures
And how everyone's lonely
But still we just couldn't complain
And how we just hate being alone
Could I have missed my only chance
And now I'm just wasting my time
By looking around
But you know I know better
I'm not gonna worry 'bout nothing
Cause if the birds and the flowers survive
Then I'll make it okay
I'm given a chance and a rock
see which one breaks a window
See which one keeps me up all night and into the day
Because I'm so scared of being alone
That I forget what house I live in
But it's not my job to wait by the phone
For her to call
Well this day's been crazy
But everything's happened on schedule
from the rain and the cold
To the drink that I spilled on my shirt
'Cause You knew how You'd save me
before I fell dead in the garden
And You knew this day
long before You made me out of dirt
And You know the plans that You have for me
And You can't plan the end and not plan the means
And so I suppose I just need some peace
Just to get me to sleep.
Because I'm so scared of being alone
That I forget what house I live in
But it's not my job to wait by the phone
Learning not to be lonely and resting in Jesus...it's a lifelong lesson.
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