When it seems like there's no answers, the problem is too big, and there's nothing that can be done to make the situation easier...when it seems impossible, overwhelming, and discouraging...when it seems like there is nobody who cares, no support, and God is nowhere to be found...that is the time. It's then when we grow in faith.
It is a matter of growing in faith or giving up hope. Jesus said "blessed are those who believe without seeing." I think right now I'm more on the "doubting Thomas" side of things, but I'm being challenged to grow in faith. Ya think the disciples had some questions when Jesus called them away from life to follow Him? You think they were a bit stressed on rough waters? They often didn't get it, but it was those times that everything seemed wrong that their faith grew and the glory of the Lord was shown to them.
I pray that I'm in some stage of that process right now......just waiting for the glory to be shone. But as of right now, I'm still feeling the waves hit me.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Friday, March 7, 2008
Prince Problems
Being a single girl myself, I didn't have much of a problem discussing struggles with guys when one of my senior high girls came to me on Wednesday. Our society puts so much emphasis on romantic relationships even at a young age. It's difficult to see all of your friends have a date to a dance, but you are still without. Many people see this as trivial, which it might be, but that is her reality. That is her struggle. This problem is affecting her and that makes it important.
We talked about how God delights in us. There might not be a boy in her life that gets butterflies when he sees her, but there's a God who knows her better than she knows herself and she makes Him get butterflies every time He sees her. We talked about one of my favorite verses: "Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30. Those other things that attract high school boys may not be found in my beloved youth (even though I think she's delightful and beautiful), but she is a young woman of faith who loves and fears the LORD in a huge way! That's way more valuable than all of those other traits.
I share with her how since God is our Father and He is the King of Kings, Jesus is the Prince of Peace, and we are brothers and sisters in Christ. Soo...we are princesses. :D This might not seem too appealing for men, but I don't think that a girl, whether a little girl or an elderly woman, could keep themselves from smiling when they are called "princess." God helped us stumble onto this verse after the princess discussion: "it is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in princes." Psalm 118:9 How perfect! God is good...
And ya know...I think someone sometime somewhere is going to get butterflies at the thought of me, but until then, I'm fine. God is faithful and teaching me to seek Him first and all things will be given to me.
We talked about how God delights in us. There might not be a boy in her life that gets butterflies when he sees her, but there's a God who knows her better than she knows herself and she makes Him get butterflies every time He sees her. We talked about one of my favorite verses: "Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30. Those other things that attract high school boys may not be found in my beloved youth (even though I think she's delightful and beautiful), but she is a young woman of faith who loves and fears the LORD in a huge way! That's way more valuable than all of those other traits.
I share with her how since God is our Father and He is the King of Kings, Jesus is the Prince of Peace, and we are brothers and sisters in Christ. Soo...we are princesses. :D This might not seem too appealing for men, but I don't think that a girl, whether a little girl or an elderly woman, could keep themselves from smiling when they are called "princess." God helped us stumble onto this verse after the princess discussion: "it is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in princes." Psalm 118:9 How perfect! God is good...
And ya know...I think someone sometime somewhere is going to get butterflies at the thought of me, but until then, I'm fine. God is faithful and teaching me to seek Him first and all things will be given to me.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Yeah, prayer... wait....prayer?
So prayer has been something that has solidly been on my heart and mind in the last weeks.
I read this book called Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster. It was a good book but I wrestled with the chapter on prayer a lot. He makes some comments about how in the past he had only "marginal success" with prayer. I don't understand this at all. How can prayer be unsuccessful? We know that prayer is to change us and align our will with the Father's. How can such a prayer that is said from the heart be deemed "unsuccessful?"
He also talked about how the disciples prayed for people and didn't really ever ask "if Thy will be done," but prayed with confidence. How do we gain this confidence to pray with? I know that there are times when I don't see my prayers answered as I ask. How do I pray with confidence and still know that it might not happen?
At our pre-intern retreat, this was a topic of great discussion. Our professor enlightened us a bit and helped us along. He explained that prayer is also often about getting to know God better, in that we start seeing that He is going to answer our prayers, but that prayer might not be answered in the same way that we expect. We look for the results that we had in mind. He might do what we ask, but in a different way. So we get to know our Father better and learn how to see what He is doing amidst our prayers.
It's disheartening sometimes to think that prayer isn't changing God. It awful, I know, but it's true. I think, why should I pray if God is taking care of it anyway? God wants us to spend time with Him! God wants an opportunity to speak to us and open our hearts and ears to Him.
The struggle I have, however, lies in intercessory prayer. What's the purpose of this? How does it work? I mean, I love knowing that people are praying for me and I enjoy praying for others. In the Bible, intercessory prayer was used. It just seems like it doesn't add up to me, though, because I think about how prayer is supposed to be changing our hearts as we pray. So why pray for others? Are we praying for their hearts to be changed? They're not doing the praying though and God is going to be changing them regardless of our prayers. I don't know.
Prayer is just such a crazy concept for me to try to latch on to. I love it and at the same time, the more I get into prayer and learn from it, the more mindboggling and frustrating it can be because I don't understand how it works, how to "do it correctly" necessarily, and what the purpose is.
Those are my thoughts. I'm open to yours.
I read this book called Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster. It was a good book but I wrestled with the chapter on prayer a lot. He makes some comments about how in the past he had only "marginal success" with prayer. I don't understand this at all. How can prayer be unsuccessful? We know that prayer is to change us and align our will with the Father's. How can such a prayer that is said from the heart be deemed "unsuccessful?"
He also talked about how the disciples prayed for people and didn't really ever ask "if Thy will be done," but prayed with confidence. How do we gain this confidence to pray with? I know that there are times when I don't see my prayers answered as I ask. How do I pray with confidence and still know that it might not happen?
At our pre-intern retreat, this was a topic of great discussion. Our professor enlightened us a bit and helped us along. He explained that prayer is also often about getting to know God better, in that we start seeing that He is going to answer our prayers, but that prayer might not be answered in the same way that we expect. We look for the results that we had in mind. He might do what we ask, but in a different way. So we get to know our Father better and learn how to see what He is doing amidst our prayers.
It's disheartening sometimes to think that prayer isn't changing God. It awful, I know, but it's true. I think, why should I pray if God is taking care of it anyway? God wants us to spend time with Him! God wants an opportunity to speak to us and open our hearts and ears to Him.
The struggle I have, however, lies in intercessory prayer. What's the purpose of this? How does it work? I mean, I love knowing that people are praying for me and I enjoy praying for others. In the Bible, intercessory prayer was used. It just seems like it doesn't add up to me, though, because I think about how prayer is supposed to be changing our hearts as we pray. So why pray for others? Are we praying for their hearts to be changed? They're not doing the praying though and God is going to be changing them regardless of our prayers. I don't know.
Prayer is just such a crazy concept for me to try to latch on to. I love it and at the same time, the more I get into prayer and learn from it, the more mindboggling and frustrating it can be because I don't understand how it works, how to "do it correctly" necessarily, and what the purpose is.
Those are my thoughts. I'm open to yours.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Spring Break & Such
It's been ages since I've wrote on this thing. The reason for this is definitely not because of a lack of theological/faith thoughts, but because I hardly have had time to breathe, let alone write on a personal blog. Whenever I've thought about it, it just seemed like another "thing" that I "need" to do.
But...I'm on spring break. It's been nice, but I still have a lot to catch up on as far as homework and such goes. I've got to spend time with some people and not worry about running around so much. I think that this lack of writing on this blog is proof of my need to simplify and slow down. It's something I'm working on.
I just had a meeting with my supervisor from the church I'm doing fieldwork at. Our talks are always great and challenging. They leave me with many things to think about and mull over.
Today's mulling consists of:
-How does a ministry continue to challenge the students that are really digging into the Word and need something deeper, but still be able to reach out to those who are new to faith?
-How does a ministry create programming and a message that is rooted in Scripture and doctrinally sound, but still relevant to youth? How do we make doctrine come alive and be something that hits students where they are?
-How do we challenge youth in their faith and still fill them with the grace of the Gospel?
It was a good chat. If you have insights, let me know. :)
In other things:
-I attended a pre-intern retreat a couple weeks ago. It was incredible and I learned and experienced a lot of new things. I especially had different experiences and thoughts about prayer. That's another post for another day.
-It's been great hearing the stories of the senior youth during lent. They get to share their testimonies and it's been great to learn from them and hear how God is working on them.
-God cares about people. Think on that. It's good stuff.
-Love. In general...I'm in awe of it. Asking God to help me love people (especially those I don't want to) has been amazing and humbling.
-Simplicity--I'm cleaning out my closets and hopefully getting rid of stuff. The world can so easily clutter our lives and cloud our minds. The less attached I am to "stuff" the more focused I can be on God. This is something cool I'm exploring.
-I bought a journal yesterday. It's something I've wanted to do for awhile. I'm going to carry it with me to write down things that God is teaching me, how I see Him moving, and things/people to pray for. This is exciting!
-Being in the Word.....I want it, but I'm struggling.
Welcome to the inside of my brain. :) Also, today I said goodbye to the Topaz, my faithful car for the last few years. So long Topaz...you will be missed.
But...I'm on spring break. It's been nice, but I still have a lot to catch up on as far as homework and such goes. I've got to spend time with some people and not worry about running around so much. I think that this lack of writing on this blog is proof of my need to simplify and slow down. It's something I'm working on.
I just had a meeting with my supervisor from the church I'm doing fieldwork at. Our talks are always great and challenging. They leave me with many things to think about and mull over.
Today's mulling consists of:
-How does a ministry continue to challenge the students that are really digging into the Word and need something deeper, but still be able to reach out to those who are new to faith?
-How does a ministry create programming and a message that is rooted in Scripture and doctrinally sound, but still relevant to youth? How do we make doctrine come alive and be something that hits students where they are?
-How do we challenge youth in their faith and still fill them with the grace of the Gospel?
It was a good chat. If you have insights, let me know. :)
In other things:
-I attended a pre-intern retreat a couple weeks ago. It was incredible and I learned and experienced a lot of new things. I especially had different experiences and thoughts about prayer. That's another post for another day.
-It's been great hearing the stories of the senior youth during lent. They get to share their testimonies and it's been great to learn from them and hear how God is working on them.
-God cares about people. Think on that. It's good stuff.
-Love. In general...I'm in awe of it. Asking God to help me love people (especially those I don't want to) has been amazing and humbling.
-Simplicity--I'm cleaning out my closets and hopefully getting rid of stuff. The world can so easily clutter our lives and cloud our minds. The less attached I am to "stuff" the more focused I can be on God. This is something cool I'm exploring.
-I bought a journal yesterday. It's something I've wanted to do for awhile. I'm going to carry it with me to write down things that God is teaching me, how I see Him moving, and things/people to pray for. This is exciting!
-Being in the Word.....I want it, but I'm struggling.
Welcome to the inside of my brain. :) Also, today I said goodbye to the Topaz, my faithful car for the last few years. So long Topaz...you will be missed.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Sabbath and worship team: TAKE TWO
So I'm starting over on this quest for Sabbath. Today is Saturday and it's my day to just dominate my homework and projects for Monday. I'm going to go get after it so that I can Sabbath with Katy and Melissa tomorrow.
We had to come up with goals for the semester for my Parish Education class and something very cool has emerged from that. We are taking on each other's goals. Mine was to Sabbath and because we often do homework and hang out together, everyone is adopting a bit of that mindset and scheduling. Andy wants to go to some sort of alternative worship service twice a month and that's going to get a few of us to go experience different things with him as well. I know that sleep will definitely be a goal that I work on throughout the semester and that's going to encourage all of us to get to bed at a more reasonable hour.
Just taking some time out of a day for rest and freedom from the tyranny of the day makes all the difference in the world for how I feel and what my attitude is. I am also convinced that I'm a little under the weather because I didn't not have a day of rest last week. Choir took over any sort of rest that I would've taken last weekend.
Also, something else that I wanted to talk about briefly is the worship team that I lead. Last year was kind of all over the board because different people had to leave the team for good reasons and we were struggling to figure out how we would get through spring semester. Many prayers and emails later, we ended up with a guitar player who happens to be a good friend of mine and someone who said "well..if you can't find anyone else.." Then there's our male vocalist who randomly emailed me one day and said he wanted to join and hoped it wasn't too late. Then our drummer who is a fill in turned permanent. God put our team together. He did that to show me that I'm not in control of this worship team. It's not "my team." I often refer to it as such, but I am reminded that this is for HIS glory and not mine. This is HIS ministry and not mine. These are HIS gifts and certainly not mine. After all of this, God showed me that not only would He provide us with a team, but it would be a better fit than any of us could've imagined. I couldn't believe how well Fish went on Wednesday night. We had fun, we worshiped while we led, and the feedback was positive. I am humbled by the fact that I was so unsure about this new arrangement, but God is so much bigger than my worries. He's challenging us to think big in this ministry right now. I'm excited.
We had to come up with goals for the semester for my Parish Education class and something very cool has emerged from that. We are taking on each other's goals. Mine was to Sabbath and because we often do homework and hang out together, everyone is adopting a bit of that mindset and scheduling. Andy wants to go to some sort of alternative worship service twice a month and that's going to get a few of us to go experience different things with him as well. I know that sleep will definitely be a goal that I work on throughout the semester and that's going to encourage all of us to get to bed at a more reasonable hour.
Just taking some time out of a day for rest and freedom from the tyranny of the day makes all the difference in the world for how I feel and what my attitude is. I am also convinced that I'm a little under the weather because I didn't not have a day of rest last week. Choir took over any sort of rest that I would've taken last weekend.
Also, something else that I wanted to talk about briefly is the worship team that I lead. Last year was kind of all over the board because different people had to leave the team for good reasons and we were struggling to figure out how we would get through spring semester. Many prayers and emails later, we ended up with a guitar player who happens to be a good friend of mine and someone who said "well..if you can't find anyone else.." Then there's our male vocalist who randomly emailed me one day and said he wanted to join and hoped it wasn't too late. Then our drummer who is a fill in turned permanent. God put our team together. He did that to show me that I'm not in control of this worship team. It's not "my team." I often refer to it as such, but I am reminded that this is for HIS glory and not mine. This is HIS ministry and not mine. These are HIS gifts and certainly not mine. After all of this, God showed me that not only would He provide us with a team, but it would be a better fit than any of us could've imagined. I couldn't believe how well Fish went on Wednesday night. We had fun, we worshiped while we led, and the feedback was positive. I am humbled by the fact that I was so unsure about this new arrangement, but God is so much bigger than my worries. He's challenging us to think big in this ministry right now. I'm excited.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Sabbath--a day of restless retreat
Today was such a daunting and humbling day. I've been tossing about this idea of Sabbath lately. It's really a mandate that God gave to us to rest and reflect on what He has blessed us with. It is a day to relinquish control and depend on God to provide. My professor said something profound..it went something like this "if you think that you have to depend on yourself to work 7 days a week to survive, there is something wrong." Basically we tell God that we'll take care of ourselves and don't need His help. Do we not think God is going to provide for us and so we have to work a little bit more on that free day? I don't know. Satan works in ways that are all too nice looking from the exterior. Anyway...tomorrow (which is really today) is going to be busy and so I thought I'd try Sabbath on a Friday. This is really the first time I've consciously tried to observe a Sabbath even though I've been pondering it because of views that I've heard about if from friends and Rob Bell. So I tried "Sabbathing" today...but it went kind of crazy. It started out nice and slow. I got up early and enjoyed the morning chatting with my supervisor over coffee. I was planning on keeping the rest of the day low key, but I got emails all day on Thursday about a meeting that had to be rescheduled to Friday, I was asked to playing music for worship, I received an email about voice studio, I thought of a form that HAD to be signed, and two retreats that I made commitments to. Oh goodness...it wasn't Sabbath. My attempt failed miserably. I think God showed me today that I have a huge control issue that I need to let go of. On top of all this activity and such, a girl from my community passed away this morning and I was on the phone with my parents and friends to hear information and check on everyone. Reflecting upon all of this the following lyrics came into mind.
Healer heal me
Savior save me
Maker change me
Lover love me
Cuz I'm so tired of living for
The kind of love
That only lasts for awhile
The pain, the shame
Tear me up inside
So I fall on my knees
To get back on my feet again
And I cry out for You
To hear you speak to me
Yes I fall on my knees
To get back on my feet again
And I run hard for You
To enter Your rest
By the middle of the day, I was in deep need of healing. Those lyrics kept running over and over in my head. "I run hard for you to enter your rest." That seems silly. I'm running around to enter His rest. I don't know if that's what I'm supposed to be doing, but that's what I am doing. I'm running around to serve God, but I'm not allowing myself to accept how He serves me. That is the meaning of Sabbath. We thank God for how He has provided for us and live on Him for that day. I would encourage you to observe Sabbath in your own life. Rob Bell doesn't check email, turns off his phone, and doesn't do anything on his "to do" list on the Sabbath. One of my friends said that she did all of her homework in college on Saturdays so that she had the entire day to Sabbath on Sunday. My professor challenged us by asking if our friends and family would be able to tell which day in a week that our Sabbath was. They couldn't today, but I want to change that. As my good friend reminds me, growth is a process and this will take some time and some getting used to. God has given that blessing of Sabbath to me to take advantage of!
Well, the day ended pretty well. I do have a bump on my head and shed a few tears from the stressful day behind me, but that is what really showed me that Sabbath isn't something to be taken lightly or imposed upon. It is holy. Even the day that I meant to make Sabbath ended up in stressful, painful, and tired tears. That's an eye opener. So Sabbath is definitely going to be something to work towards this semester.
Friday, January 18, 2008
LOVE is the movement
So not necessarily to add a new year's resolution to my life, but more of creating a new year's revolution...I've been getting into a bunch of new ideas. This whole idea of loving people has just plain overwhelmed me in 2008. Reading Blue Like Jazz got me thinking about how I love people on a daily basis and if what my heart is saying is actually being lived out with how I interact with people. So recently I've got into this organization called "To Write Love on Her Arms." It is an organization that is committed to helping people who struggle with addictions, alcohol and drug abuse, depression, self injury, and suicidal behaviors. The organization sells t-shirts to help support people to go to rehab. They also actively reach out and love people that are awaiting detox and rehab services and help people to realize that they need to seek help. It's an amazing organization that loves people right where they are with all the "stuff" that they have to bring along with them. The name of the organization comes from the first person that they helped get into rehab. She was struggling with many things, one being self mutilation. She carved "f--- up" in her arm. That's all she thought she was. The people around her, however, wanted to change that. They wanted to write "love" on her arms.
I recently supported the organization by buying a t-shirt that has pretty much also been my new creedo. I love it and it reminds me of the new revolution that I am apart of. God has overwhelmed me so many times with His love. It shouldn't be difficult to reach out and simply love people. Simply love. :) That's what Jesus did. Love is the movement. And the movement began with Him.
I recently supported the organization by buying a t-shirt that has pretty much also been my new creedo. I love it and it reminds me of the new revolution that I am apart of. God has overwhelmed me so many times with His love. It shouldn't be difficult to reach out and simply love people. Simply love. :) That's what Jesus did. Love is the movement. And the movement began with Him.
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