Africa, Arizona, CSP, or somewhere in between...

So my last post was about how anxious I was about leaving Concordia. Well, it wasn't easy and I'm still having to say good-bye's along the way, but I'm at home (for almost 2 weeks now) from Africa.

Leaving CSP was crazy. I had finals and just a few days to finish up school work, tie up loose ends for internship, pack for the trip, pack my room and move out (my parents graciously came up to help me out), move all of my residents out, sing for 3 graduatons, have a bon voyage concert, and say lots of good-byes. It was crazy. Ghana seemed calm in comparison.

Anywho..we left on that Sunday after finals and I haven't had my laptop since that Saturday, so my internet access has been sort of limited since. Ghana was amazing. I can't even begin to describe what it was like. I mean, there's so much that I experienced that was way different from anything I ever have experienced before. I've heard so many people say that it's impossible to describe our trip there, but I just keep thinking about it and wanting to share.

Some highlights:
-the worship of Ghanaian Christians--I loved our worship services. They usually lasted several hours, but they were full of the Spirit and full of life. People worshiped with their entire beings. We danced our offerings to the front of the sanctuary at every worship service. I loved the music. I have never had so much fun worshiping our Creator.

-the people--Everywhere we went, people were overjoyed to have us there. They all wanted us to come back later and wanted to do whatever they could for us. We were so different from all of them and stuck out so greatly, but they didn't care. They only wanted us to feel welcome and bent over backwards to do that.

-the children--I got to spend some time playing with some children in a village. I had a blast! It made me realize just how much I love kids. I couldn't even effectively communicate with them, but we had so much fun and I felt like I connected with them. That was so empowering and encouraging to me--I felt greatly affirmed in my career path and calling into ministry. It also made me consider the possibility of mission work.

-the Spirit--I think that sometimes when American Christians think of Africa, we think "mission field." "Those people need to hear about Jesus!" Well, yes, they do, but I'm pretty sure He's already made it to Africa. His Spirit is quite alive there, too. I couldn't believe how Spirit-filled people were there. They are so passionate about prayer and Bible study. Many stores and businesses have Christian names. I got to meet the chaplain of a college choir there that we sang with. It was cool to meet another choir chaplain. She prayed so passionately and told me of their weekly prayer meetings that are just to get together and pray for an hour. She said, "this choir can't operate without two things and those are prayer and being in the Word." I was floored. We can learn a lot from our Ghanaian brothers and sisters.

-time spent with friends--I don't know if you've noticed this, but I love my friends. I had such a good time experiencing the culture of Ghana and all of it's ups and downs with people that I care so deeply about. We had a blast and I'm so glad that I got to spend that intentional time with several people that I won't see again for a long time. It was a sacred time and I was blessed by it. I'm going to miss my CSP crew.


Now, I'm at home in Kansas. It's hot. We don't have the air on. I don't have a job, but I'm helping around the house. I've been keeping busy doing that and I'm looking forward to starting my internship in July. Things keep changing, but I think I'm ready to head out to internship. It's weird now being in between. I'm kind of lonely for my friends and for hanging out with them, but at the same time it's been good to have atleast a little time with my family and some friends from home.

Please pray for me as I try to prepare, mentally, emotionally, financially, socially, and spiritually for this new journey. For now, it's about bed time. People go to bed early around here.

Peace.

...or not, here it comes

So the last thing that I wrote about was how ready I am to leave Concordia for the next year.

It hasn't come quite as easily as I thought it would. It's actually been disgustingly difficult the last couple of days. It's starting to sink in that I won't be coming back here for over a year and when I do, it'll look different, there will be new people, and a lot of the old ones will be gone. The same place, but a very different place all at the same time.

I'm already sick of saying good-bye. Last night I said good-bye to the people at my field work church and I didn't really think it would be that big of deal. I cried...a lot. So did a lot of other people...but it was so hard. That's only the beginning...maybe it'll get easier. I'm not so sure, though, because so many that I love so much are still left to say good-bye to.

Then Africa. It's coming! A few get to journey along with me there but good-byes will have to happen on that trip. That may be even worse. I do think, however, that Africa will be a good transitional piece for me to propel myself forward after CSP. I'm not coming back to the Cities after Ghana until Anna and Adam's wedding. So I think I'll be more calm and settled about the move to AZ by then.

Oh, AZ...so much down time until I get to come to you. I think that is a necessary buffer. I don't think my emotions could handle much more. Or my body for that matter...I'm going to be shot for awhile.

I'll be honest...I'm really going to miss a lot of people. Some of the best people and some of the best friends I've ever had have been from here at Concordia. This chapter of my life is beginning to end. That's hard for me to face the fact that some of these people I won't eat lunch with everyday and study with or get Jamba with. Things slip by so quickly. Live it up--love people, love life.

I saw a cardinal this afternoon. One of my friends is convinced that whenever she sees cardinals it's God's sign and reminder to her that He is present amidst a trying time. Today I was grateful for that cardinal.

ready.

The year is winding down here at school and it's almost time to say good-bye. I think a change will be really positive for me. For the next year I will be working full time as an intern in a parish hundreds of miles from here.

I have a feeling this is going to be a good change for me. I will get to learn a lot, meet new people, make a new start in a far away place, and serve full time in ministry. I pray that God will watch over me as I try to fit in there, as I try to do my best to serve Him, and as I try to take care of myself and be fed spiritually, socially, mentally, and physically.

I'm tired of feeling like I don't really fit within this puzzle anymore. I think it's because there's another puzzle that has a piece missing for me to fill in.

I pray that God helps to give closure here and healing, while preparing me for what's to come.

faith.

When it seems like there's no answers, the problem is too big, and there's nothing that can be done to make the situation easier...when it seems impossible, overwhelming, and discouraging...when it seems like there is nobody who cares, no support, and God is nowhere to be found...that is the time. It's then when we grow in faith.

It is a matter of growing in faith or giving up hope. Jesus said "blessed are those who believe without seeing." I think right now I'm more on the "doubting Thomas" side of things, but I'm being challenged to grow in faith. Ya think the disciples had some questions when Jesus called them away from life to follow Him? You think they were a bit stressed on rough waters? They often didn't get it, but it was those times that everything seemed wrong that their faith grew and the glory of the Lord was shown to them.

I pray that I'm in some stage of that process right now......just waiting for the glory to be shone. But as of right now, I'm still feeling the waves hit me.

Prince Problems

Being a single girl myself, I didn't have much of a problem discussing struggles with guys when one of my senior high girls came to me on Wednesday. Our society puts so much emphasis on romantic relationships even at a young age. It's difficult to see all of your friends have a date to a dance, but you are still without. Many people see this as trivial, which it might be, but that is her reality. That is her struggle. This problem is affecting her and that makes it important.

We talked about how God delights in us. There might not be a boy in her life that gets butterflies when he sees her, but there's a God who knows her better than she knows herself and she makes Him get butterflies every time He sees her. We talked about one of my favorite verses: "Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30. Those other things that attract high school boys may not be found in my beloved youth (even though I think she's delightful and beautiful), but she is a young woman of faith who loves and fears the LORD in a huge way! That's way more valuable than all of those other traits.

I share with her how since God is our Father and He is the King of Kings, Jesus is the Prince of Peace, and we are brothers and sisters in Christ. Soo...we are princesses. :D This might not seem too appealing for men, but I don't think that a girl, whether a little girl or an elderly woman, could keep themselves from smiling when they are called "princess." God helped us stumble onto this verse after the princess discussion: "it is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in princes." Psalm 118:9 How perfect! God is good...

And ya know...I think someone sometime somewhere is going to get butterflies at the thought of me, but until then, I'm fine. God is faithful and teaching me to seek Him first and all things will be given to me.

Yeah, prayer... wait....prayer?

So prayer has been something that has solidly been on my heart and mind in the last weeks.



I read this book called Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster. It was a good book but I wrestled with the chapter on prayer a lot. He makes some comments about how in the past he had only "marginal success" with prayer. I don't understand this at all. How can prayer be unsuccessful? We know that prayer is to change us and align our will with the Father's. How can such a prayer that is said from the heart be deemed "unsuccessful?"

He also talked about how the disciples prayed for people and didn't really ever ask "if Thy will be done," but prayed with confidence. How do we gain this confidence to pray with? I know that there are times when I don't see my prayers answered as I ask. How do I pray with confidence and still know that it might not happen?

At our pre-intern retreat, this was a topic of great discussion. Our professor enlightened us a bit and helped us along. He explained that prayer is also often about getting to know God better, in that we start seeing that He is going to answer our prayers, but that prayer might not be answered in the same way that we expect. We look for the results that we had in mind. He might do what we ask, but in a different way. So we get to know our Father better and learn how to see what He is doing amidst our prayers.

It's disheartening sometimes to think that prayer isn't changing God. It awful, I know, but it's true. I think, why should I pray if God is taking care of it anyway? God wants us to spend time with Him! God wants an opportunity to speak to us and open our hearts and ears to Him.

The struggle I have, however, lies in intercessory prayer. What's the purpose of this? How does it work? I mean, I love knowing that people are praying for me and I enjoy praying for others. In the Bible, intercessory prayer was used. It just seems like it doesn't add up to me, though, because I think about how prayer is supposed to be changing our hearts as we pray. So why pray for others? Are we praying for their hearts to be changed? They're not doing the praying though and God is going to be changing them regardless of our prayers. I don't know.

Prayer is just such a crazy concept for me to try to latch on to. I love it and at the same time, the more I get into prayer and learn from it, the more mindboggling and frustrating it can be because I don't understand how it works, how to "do it correctly" necessarily, and what the purpose is.

Those are my thoughts. I'm open to yours.

Spring Break & Such

It's been ages since I've wrote on this thing. The reason for this is definitely not because of a lack of theological/faith thoughts, but because I hardly have had time to breathe, let alone write on a personal blog. Whenever I've thought about it, it just seemed like another "thing" that I "need" to do.

But...I'm on spring break. It's been nice, but I still have a lot to catch up on as far as homework and such goes. I've got to spend time with some people and not worry about running around so much. I think that this lack of writing on this blog is proof of my need to simplify and slow down. It's something I'm working on.

I just had a meeting with my supervisor from the church I'm doing fieldwork at. Our talks are always great and challenging. They leave me with many things to think about and mull over.
Today's mulling consists of:
-How does a ministry continue to challenge the students that are really digging into the Word and need something deeper, but still be able to reach out to those who are new to faith?
-How does a ministry create programming and a message that is rooted in Scripture and doctrinally sound, but still relevant to youth? How do we make doctrine come alive and be something that hits students where they are?
-How do we challenge youth in their faith and still fill them with the grace of the Gospel?

It was a good chat. If you have insights, let me know. :)

In other things:
-I attended a pre-intern retreat a couple weeks ago. It was incredible and I learned and experienced a lot of new things. I especially had different experiences and thoughts about prayer. That's another post for another day.
-It's been great hearing the stories of the senior youth during lent. They get to share their testimonies and it's been great to learn from them and hear how God is working on them.
-God cares about people. Think on that. It's good stuff.
-Love. In general...I'm in awe of it. Asking God to help me love people (especially those I don't want to) has been amazing and humbling.
-Simplicity--I'm cleaning out my closets and hopefully getting rid of stuff. The world can so easily clutter our lives and cloud our minds. The less attached I am to "stuff" the more focused I can be on God. This is something cool I'm exploring.
-I bought a journal yesterday. It's something I've wanted to do for awhile. I'm going to carry it with me to write down things that God is teaching me, how I see Him moving, and things/people to pray for. This is exciting!
-Being in the Word.....I want it, but I'm struggling.

Welcome to the inside of my brain. :) Also, today I said goodbye to the Topaz, my faithful car for the last few years. So long Topaz...you will be missed.