My phone is gone. I hosted the ladies from church tonight for our monthly Bunco night. After all was cleaned up and everyone had left, I realized that I had a phone date that was a few minutes overdue. I looked around the counter and my phone was nowhere to be found. I looked everywhere...outside, all over inside, & even had a friend call it. Nothing. I have a feeling that someone took it by mistake. My eyes were opened to my ridiculous dependence on it though. I guess it seems more legit though since I'm away from loved ones and it's one of the very few ways I can stay connected. Reason #1 that my priorities are outta wack. I can't be away from my phone for a few moments without flipping, but I can skip a day of being in the Word so easily.
I went to a few of meetings today... at a couple of them, I felt like I was on the outside. I guess it's understandable because I'm new and such and they're discussing things that have gone on for awhile, but still. I don't know...sometimes I feel like asking me what I think is a just a formality. This is reason #2 that my priorities are outta wack. I can't be apart of anything that I don't have some sort of control over, otherwise I'm dissatisfied. It doesn't always have to be about me--I think this is what my frustration boils down to.
I've been asking God to really give me His heart for people in the last few months and especially the last few weeks. I want compassion for people and really want to care about them and help them with what they're going through. There's this song that's come on the radio recently called "Give Me Your Eyes." It's an incredible song about asking God to show us how He sees His children. Well, tonight, something was started. There's a profile on Twitter called CSPSecrets and it's a profile devoted to anyone in the CSP community to share anonymously, like the site Post Secret. It's already been sooo enlightening to see all of the people that are struggling and feel like they are alone and can't share those things. It makes you wonder what any person that you interact with is going through or carrying with them. It really stops and makes you think twice about how to enteract with people. Everyone is fragile. Everyone has baggage. Everyone has stuff. Be gentle.
Find joy in everything. That's what I want my attitude to be. That..and love. Just loving people. I've been on a kick about this since January, but I just want to love people just because they are creation of the Maker. I fail often, but this is what I strive for.
So for now...computer is my only form of communication, going with the flow (but also being involved) is something that I'm going to work on, and love. Love is my goal, my focus, and my passion.
It's the only thing that makes sense and really the only thing that we have to give that is of some value. One of my favorite movies, Moulin Rouge, says this, "the greatest thing, you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."
...be loved in return...that's a topic for another day.
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