...or not, here it comes

So the last thing that I wrote about was how ready I am to leave Concordia for the next year.

It hasn't come quite as easily as I thought it would. It's actually been disgustingly difficult the last couple of days. It's starting to sink in that I won't be coming back here for over a year and when I do, it'll look different, there will be new people, and a lot of the old ones will be gone. The same place, but a very different place all at the same time.

I'm already sick of saying good-bye. Last night I said good-bye to the people at my field work church and I didn't really think it would be that big of deal. I cried...a lot. So did a lot of other people...but it was so hard. That's only the beginning...maybe it'll get easier. I'm not so sure, though, because so many that I love so much are still left to say good-bye to.

Then Africa. It's coming! A few get to journey along with me there but good-byes will have to happen on that trip. That may be even worse. I do think, however, that Africa will be a good transitional piece for me to propel myself forward after CSP. I'm not coming back to the Cities after Ghana until Anna and Adam's wedding. So I think I'll be more calm and settled about the move to AZ by then.

Oh, AZ...so much down time until I get to come to you. I think that is a necessary buffer. I don't think my emotions could handle much more. Or my body for that matter...I'm going to be shot for awhile.

I'll be honest...I'm really going to miss a lot of people. Some of the best people and some of the best friends I've ever had have been from here at Concordia. This chapter of my life is beginning to end. That's hard for me to face the fact that some of these people I won't eat lunch with everyday and study with or get Jamba with. Things slip by so quickly. Live it up--love people, love life.

I saw a cardinal this afternoon. One of my friends is convinced that whenever she sees cardinals it's God's sign and reminder to her that He is present amidst a trying time. Today I was grateful for that cardinal.

ready.

The year is winding down here at school and it's almost time to say good-bye. I think a change will be really positive for me. For the next year I will be working full time as an intern in a parish hundreds of miles from here.

I have a feeling this is going to be a good change for me. I will get to learn a lot, meet new people, make a new start in a far away place, and serve full time in ministry. I pray that God will watch over me as I try to fit in there, as I try to do my best to serve Him, and as I try to take care of myself and be fed spiritually, socially, mentally, and physically.

I'm tired of feeling like I don't really fit within this puzzle anymore. I think it's because there's another puzzle that has a piece missing for me to fill in.

I pray that God helps to give closure here and healing, while preparing me for what's to come.