Sabbath--a day of restless retreat

Today was such a daunting and humbling day. I've been tossing about this idea of Sabbath lately. It's really a mandate that God gave to us to rest and reflect on what He has blessed us with. It is a day to relinquish control and depend on God to provide. My professor said something profound..it went something like this "if you think that you have to depend on yourself to work 7 days a week to survive, there is something wrong." Basically we tell God that we'll take care of ourselves and don't need His help. Do we not think God is going to provide for us and so we have to work a little bit more on that free day? I don't know. Satan works in ways that are all too nice looking from the exterior. Anyway...tomorrow (which is really today) is going to be busy and so I thought I'd try Sabbath on a Friday. This is really the first time I've consciously tried to observe a Sabbath even though I've been pondering it because of views that I've heard about if from friends and Rob Bell. So I tried "Sabbathing" today...but it went kind of crazy. It started out nice and slow. I got up early and enjoyed the morning chatting with my supervisor over coffee. I was planning on keeping the rest of the day low key, but I got emails all day on Thursday about a meeting that had to be rescheduled to Friday, I was asked to playing music for worship, I received an email about voice studio, I thought of a form that HAD to be signed, and two retreats that I made commitments to. Oh goodness...it wasn't Sabbath. My attempt failed miserably. I think God showed me today that I have a huge control issue that I need to let go of. On top of all this activity and such, a girl from my community passed away this morning and I was on the phone with my parents and friends to hear information and check on everyone. Reflecting upon all of this the following lyrics came into mind.

Healer heal me
Savior save me
Maker change me
Lover love me
Cuz I'm so tired of living for
The kind of love
That only lasts for awhile
The pain, the shame
Tear me up inside

So I fall on my knees
To get back on my feet again
And I cry out for You
To hear you speak to me

Yes I fall on my knees
To get back on my feet again
And I run hard for You
To enter Your rest

By the middle of the day, I was in deep need of healing. Those lyrics kept running over and over in my head. "I run hard for you to enter your rest." That seems silly. I'm running around to enter His rest. I don't know if that's what I'm supposed to be doing, but that's what I am doing. I'm running around to serve God, but I'm not allowing myself to accept how He serves me. That is the meaning of Sabbath. We thank God for how He has provided for us and live on Him for that day. I would encourage you to observe Sabbath in your own life. Rob Bell doesn't check email, turns off his phone, and doesn't do anything on his "to do" list on the Sabbath. One of my friends said that she did all of her homework in college on Saturdays so that she had the entire day to Sabbath on Sunday. My professor challenged us by asking if our friends and family would be able to tell which day in a week that our Sabbath was. They couldn't today, but I want to change that. As my good friend reminds me, growth is a process and this will take some time and some getting used to. God has given that blessing of Sabbath to me to take advantage of!

Well, the day ended pretty well. I do have a bump on my head and shed a few tears from the stressful day behind me, but that is what really showed me that Sabbath isn't something to be taken lightly or imposed upon. It is holy. Even the day that I meant to make Sabbath ended up in stressful, painful, and tired tears. That's an eye opener. So Sabbath is definitely going to be something to work towards this semester.

LOVE is the movement

So not necessarily to add a new year's resolution to my life, but more of creating a new year's revolution...I've been getting into a bunch of new ideas. This whole idea of loving people has just plain overwhelmed me in 2008. Reading Blue Like Jazz got me thinking about how I love people on a daily basis and if what my heart is saying is actually being lived out with how I interact with people. So recently I've got into this organization called "To Write Love on Her Arms." It is an organization that is committed to helping people who struggle with addictions, alcohol and drug abuse, depression, self injury, and suicidal behaviors. The organization sells t-shirts to help support people to go to rehab. They also actively reach out and love people that are awaiting detox and rehab services and help people to realize that they need to seek help. It's an amazing organization that loves people right where they are with all the "stuff" that they have to bring along with them. The name of the organization comes from the first person that they helped get into rehab. She was struggling with many things, one being self mutilation. She carved "f--- up" in her arm. That's all she thought she was. The people around her, however, wanted to change that. They wanted to write "love" on her arms.



I recently supported the organization by buying a t-shirt that has pretty much also been my new creedo. I love it and it reminds me of the new revolution that I am apart of. God has overwhelmed me so many times with His love. It shouldn't be difficult to reach out and simply love people. Simply love. :) That's what Jesus did. Love is the movement. And the movement began with Him.

Blue Like Jazz

Well, it's been awhile since I've written anything. I've been back at school and there's been lots to do and lots of people to see. In my last days at home I finished Blue Like Jazz. What a great read!



It's a great book by Donald Miller. He writes so authentically and uninhibited. He tells of his experiences with lots of different people from the country's most intelligent atheists at Reed College to living with hippies, from being a fundamentalist Christian living in a house with a bunch of single guys from the progressive church full of protesters and social activists. He writes with such honesty about his experiences and sees God in the most uncommon places. There are chapters about our misunderstanding of the concept of love. He talks about how overpowering people with love is the way they are going to see God. It's not going to be through our "Christian to do list" that we see others not fulfilling. It's not going to be by arguing views and defending Christianity. Miller did want to defend Christianity like it needed defending. He wants to show people what it is through love--loving the most unexpected people that seem unlovable. He talked about one of the best ways to do this is by stepping outside of who we are and what we are comfortable with and making connections with people who are completely different from us. He talked about how people, Christians especially, tend to use love as currency. If people aren't doing what we want them to, we withhold time, affection, and our love. Miller was struggling because he knew that he couldn't embrace the sin of these people who were living lifestyles contrary to God's Word. However, "God doesn't withhold love to teach us a lesson." It's much easier for someone to listen to you and you to them if there isn't some wall built up that they can sense that you are being defensive toward them.

I loved this quote:

When I am talking to somebody there are always two conversations going on. The first is on the surface; it is about politics or music or whatever it is our mouths are saying. The other is beneath the surface, on the level of the heart, and my heart is either communicating that I like the person I am talking to or I don't. God wants both conversations to be true. That is, we are supposed to speak truth in love. If both conversations are not true, God is not invovled in the exchange, we are on our own, and on our own, we will lead people astray. The bible says that if you talk to somebody with your mouth, and your heart does not love them, that you are like a person standing there smashing two cymbals together. You are only annoying everybody around you. I think that is very beautiful and true.

....When I go to meet somebody, I pray that God will help me feel His love for them. I ask God to make it so both conversations, the one from the mouth and the one from the heart, are true.

Faith of the Football Players

NFL Sunday football is on TV in the living room. We just finished an early dinner and my mom and dad are reading the paper with the game on. I am writing this entry because I was just touched.

As we were watching the game (between the San Diego Chargers and Tennessee), Antonio Gates from the Chargers got injured. He grimaced in pain as trainers checked out his ankle. Not for long, but for a few moments, the camera went to a few players on the bench. The shot showed two large players from the Chargers holding hands and praying. I would assume they were praying for their injured teammate. What an amazing witness! They didn't think anyone was watching...the camera shot was from afar. They also didn't care who saw them. It was not discussed by the commentators and nobody else was around them. I don't even know who they were. I was so impressed by these two players who have so much...fame and fortune. But still, they realize that they have nothing without the Lord. Amidst that time they acknowledged that it was God who was in control of the situation and He had the power to work.

The game is still on. There's laundry to be finished and dishes to tend to. I want to clean the car and finish packing. But I was inspired today. Something small..but something so great.

In the Presence of My Enemies

Last night I finally finished "In the Presence of My Enemies" by Gracia Burnham.

This book is the incredible story of Gracia and her husband, Martin who were serving as missionaries in the Philippines. On their anniversary, they went to stay at a resort in another area of the Philippines and were kidnapped. They were held hostage by the Abu Sayyaf for over a year. The book tells of their trials, joys, and interactions with radical Islam while held hostage. They suffered physically and spiritually. After over a year, the Philippine army finally caught up with this terrorist group and Martin was killed in the attempt to rescue the hostages. Gracia was the only one of the remaining hostages to make it out alive. Their story is captured in this book and it does a wonderful job of showing their spiritual struggles with God, but also how they continued to remind one another that God is indeed faithful. Gracia was reunited with her children after over a year and they are back in Kansas.

One of the most memorable passages was this:
We sat in the hammock a minute. Martin was in a reflective mood. He said, "I really don't know why this has happened to us. I've been thinking a lot lately about Psalm 100--what it says about serving the Lord with gladness. This may not seem much like serving the Lord, but that's what we're doing, you know? we may not leave this jungle alive, but we can leave this world serving the Lord 'with gladness'; we can 'come before his presence with singing' [Psalm 100:2]."
We prayed together then, something we did often. There was nothing else to do; we were totally dependent on the Lord. We thanked the Lord for bringing us this far safely, and of course we begged him to get us home and back to our kids. We told him we wanted to keep serving him with gladness.

And here is one more..the very end of the book:
The special people God gives us along the way make us stronger to face the trials of an ugly world. Obviously, I never expected to face something of this magnitude. But I thank the Lord for helping me to endure it. I honor the legacy of a wise and godly man who kept me going, trail after trail, gun battle after gun battle. I value the efforts of all who worked so hard to get me out alive. And I resolve to keep living in the embrace of God's gladness and love for as long as he gives me breath.

I love how Gracia talked over and over about how Martin was her rock in the jungle. He was the one to be positive and encourage. They sang hymns together and the only Scripture they had was what they had memorized and what people sent them in letters. And still, still, they see God as being ever so faithful. What great faith! What a great book.

Next on the docket: "Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller. I shall begin tonight. :)

Going Out Without Knowing

Here is the entry from "My Utmost for His Highest" for today. I thought it was incredibly appropriate for my family today as we are taking Debbie to the airport and she is heading out for her deployment to Iraq.

(You can google "My Utmost for His Highest" and read the daily entry for free on the website. Or you can buy the book like me. It's pretty sweet. :) )

January 2, 2008

Will You Go Out Without Knowing?

He went out, not knowing where he was going —Hebrews 11:8

Have you ever "gone out" in this way? If so, there is no logical answer possible when anyone asks you what you are doing. One of the most difficult questions to answer in Christian work is, "What do you expect to do?" You don’t know what you are going to do. The only thing you know is that God knows what He is doing. Continually examine your attitude toward God to see if you are willing to "go out" in every area of your life, trusting in God entirely. It is this attitude that keeps you in constant wonder, because you don’t know what God is going to do next. Each morning as you wake, there is a new opportunity to "go out," building your confidence in God. ". . . do not worry about your life . . . nor about the body . . ." (Luke 12:22). In other words, don’t worry about the things that concerned you before you did "go out."

Have you been asking God what He is going to do? He will never tell you. God does not tell you what He is going to do— He reveals to you who He is. Do you believe in a miracle-working God, and will you "go out" in complete surrender to Him until you are not surprised one iota by anything He does?

Believe God is always the God you know Him to be when you are nearest to Him. Then think how unnecessary and disrespectful worry is! Let the attitude of your life be a continual willingness to "go out" in dependence upon God, and your life will have a sacred and inexpressible charm about it that is very satisfying to Jesus. You must learn to "go out" through your convictions, creeds, or experiences until you come to the point in your faith where there is nothing between yourself and God.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

'07 is gone and '08 has come. My how the years fly by. Even though we're already in '08, I'd like to take a moment to reflect on the blessings of '07.

Let's see...

-Being with my HS crew for last New Years.
-Concordia (school)
-the new small group emerged. It has been more of a blessing that I could've ever imagined. I can't even tell you the benefits of walking along a group of people in faith. Sharing insight, stories, prayers, and struggles...I can't imagine the past year without them.
-the prayer chapel--a new discovery of a wonderful place at CSP. A small room that has been great for chatting, praying, taking a "time out" in the middle of the day or being an ear for someone else. It has been a remarkable blessing to me.
-spring break--stuck in the Twin Cities...in the dorms...we had church on our own because most in the Cities were canceled due to the snow.
-Meeting Gonso (an elderly buddy of Abby and me)--we learned so much from her; she showed us such a bold faith.
-Choir tour--meeting host families that always amaze me with gracious hospitality, spending Holy Week with friends and taking that journey together, spending time on the beach and on the bus, sharing ourselves and Christ with many people across Florida.
-Easter with a different family, but still considered family to me. Tim, Josiah, Shane, and I spent the holiday together. It was fun and probably one I won't forget for quite some time.
-Weddings galore. Watching dear friends being united before God. It was a special blessing to spend time with my Youth Encounter teammates at Troy and Joannie's wedding.
-Camp. Oh, camp. Joys, fun, struggles, weariness...great memories, great friends, great experience, great lessons learned. I was amazed by campers, challenged by staff, and encouraged constantly by a few friends that sent me mail and gave up some time for weekend phone calls. I'll never forget that crazy 2nd to last week of the summer...I was shocked and amazed by the care of my coworkers. I couldn't have made it without you all.
-Concordia in the fall...not to be mistaken for the previous Concordia...although they might be the same place and the same name, they are very different. Some new friends, new experiences, new challenges...things change as we get older. God has stretched me a lot this semester.
-CSP faculty--Thanks for caring. That's something I can't get over. I appreciate your constant support, guidance, and mentoring. You are the people who are shaping me. Thanks for taking the time and effort to do so. I learn so much from you all.
-Field Work!! One of the greatest blessings I have received this year has been my field work site. The people I work with, the youth in my small group, and all of the things I'm experiencing and learning have been phenomenal. I am so blessed.
-My pre-intern class. We are growing and taking this journey together. I am grateful for their support and camaraderie. Many a crazy night has went on in tier zero working on portfolios and papers. I am blessed again.
-My near and dear friends...I hope you know who you are. This has been an extremely challenging semester. More than I could ever or would ever need to describe. You may have heard lots about it or just bits and pieces, but knowing you're there and that you're praying for me and listening to me means the world to me. I may continue to be challenged by some of these things, but I know I'm not alone. I know I couldn't keep going if I were.
-Time with family--this Christmas break has been one of the best ones I've had with my family. I know partly because we know Debbie is leaving soon for Iraq and it's been important for us to do that. We aren't that close of a family, which is okay. However, this break has been really great to be with my family. This past week, I even got to spend a day with a TON of my dad's family that I rarely see. It was amazing. Fun filled, music filled, and just plain amazing.


I know I've been blessed much more than these few things that I've mentioned in the past year, but it is good to reflect and see that amidst some seemingly adverse times, God is faithful. God is present. God has and continues to bless me.


Now for '08..my "resolutions"..if you even want to call them that..are as follows:
-to make '08 the best year yet! Live life in the present with a good attitude and a grateful heart--living in the day that the Lord has made.
-to read the daily reading from "My Utmost for His Highest" and pass it on to someone else next year.
-to exercise more...I know that's broad, but I find it will help me with the first one; put me in a better frame of mind and body.

In other news, I still haven't finished "In the Presence of Mine Enemies." It's long and I've been at a friend's the last few days. I do know this however, it's not set in South America, but the Philippines. My mistake. More on that to come soon.