Monday, September 29, 2008

Alliteration Anecdotes Are Always Appealing

Lots has happened since my last entry...

1. Serving Stewart
I went into Phoenix to hang out with Josiah on Thursday. Well, he really wanted to find pumpkin pie, so we went to several "Perkins-esque" type restaurants and found nothing. We went to the last one and there was a man sitting outside of the restaurant begging for money. Josiah went to talk to him and he asked for some cash. We didn't have any really, so we took him inside to order him some food. While waiting for the food, we learned that his name was Stewart, he'd just got out of prison and was facing a hard road. He has drug and alcohol addictions, is homeless, hungry, and far from family who might be able to help him. We were just listening to his story and encouraging him with his efforts to turn his life around. We talked to him for probably almost an hour. Josiah had an idea to tell Stewart about his church that was just down the street. Josiah called his mom to see when Celebrate Recovery (a support program for addicts) met and it just so happened that it was meeting right then. We decided to take Stewart there. We took him to the church with his food, got him sat down at a table, and explained to the head of the ministry about his struggles and the fact that he didn't have a place to sleep that night. Stewart kept thanking us and saying that he knew that God would send help. We were encouraging him that with God's help, he could turn his life around. We haven't heard from him since then. Josiah was supposed to meet him the next morning, so he could go to his court appointment, but Stewart didn't show. We hope that someone from the church got him connected with the right people to help him. It was quite an adventure...and to be honest, there is probably no way that I would've went through all of that without Josiah taking the lead and really having a heart for Stewart. I wonder how long it's been since someone had sat and talked with him and put a hand on his shoulder. I pray for him tonight and that he's doing okay.

Talk about an answered prayer about having a heart for people and their hurts! (see previous entry) Geesh! God is so good.

2. Reverend Relocation
Yesterday, our new associate pastor and his family moved in to their new house. I went over to help them move and ended up staying most of the day to help his wife, Cher, unpack all of the kitchen stuff and wash all of the dishes before putting them away. It was really nice just talking and working with her. We talked the whole time. She encouraged me about being a woman of God that doesn't just give in to what's easy and what's accepted by society, but waiting for the promises of God to be fulfilled in me. She wanted to know about my call to ministry...it was funny to hear someone use that phrase in reference to my life. She wanted to know about boys. She wanted to know about future plans and goals. It was refreshing to me. I felt so blessed to have another affirming woman in my life that could be a really great mentor and friend. She also really affirmed me. She was saying that she truly believes that I was gifted especially to be a worship leader and that there's just something about me when I'm leading...that the Holy Spirit speaks. She told me that I should at least consider worship leading, if not pursue it. I told her that my heart was definitely open to it and I'm going to think/pray over it this year. Cher also said something else that I thought was very profound and thoughtful: "I just can't wait to see who you are at the end of this year. I'm so curious and excited to see what God is teaching you this year and what it is that He's preparing you for through this internship."

I had to stop. I hadn't really thought of any of those things. I mean, I have my plans and ideas...which is dangerous. (Check out James 4 as to why..it really spoke to me.) Again, I got to a place of humility. God is using me. Wow. What a realization! And somehow...through using me here, He's preparing me to be used elsewhere...in places I haven't even heard of yet! Very humbling and exciting.

3. Battle of the Bands
I was just hanging out at home last night when Lori called and she and Dan were taking Ivan and heading out to watch Dimitri's marching band competition and invited me to come. :) It was something different to do and it's always fun to be around a family. They are a really great one too. :) I had fun watching the different bands perform and reminiscing about what high school was like...and how different I feel from the kids that are that age now. It's always great to be amidst families though and I got to see one of my youth do something that he's so deeply devoted to. It was very cool. AND...it just so happens, that his director is from Phantom Regiment. Sooo...via this experience, Dimitri and I have a whole new thing to connect about!

4. Tag along Tidbits
-Debbie is going to be back in the States soon!!!!!!! Pray for safe travel. I'm beside myself with excitement.
-youth worship team went well tonight, they're sounding really good! It's exciting!
-We talked about Abigail in Women of the Old Testament tonight. What a phenomenal woman! The lesson challenged us to challenge ourselves as to how we can be peacekeepers in our own lives. Something think upon...what areas do I need more peace?
-Singing for a funeral tomorrow...maybe playing guitar too. Kinda stressful for me to do that...but we'll see. It may not be too bad.
-School is out on break...so I don't have to teach for awhile. It'll give me more time to get work done and plan ahead. :)
-Even though I'm really feeling very good about being here and what's going on here, I still miss my friends. I think even if I had made lots of friends here already, I'd still miss them. I really really, really love my friends. That's all. :)

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

losing my phone, my patience, & my apathy toward the human race

My phone is gone. I hosted the ladies from church tonight for our monthly Bunco night. After all was cleaned up and everyone had left, I realized that I had a phone date that was a few minutes overdue. I looked around the counter and my phone was nowhere to be found. I looked everywhere...outside, all over inside, & even had a friend call it. Nothing. I have a feeling that someone took it by mistake. My eyes were opened to my ridiculous dependence on it though. I guess it seems more legit though since I'm away from loved ones and it's one of the very few ways I can stay connected. Reason #1 that my priorities are outta wack. I can't be away from my phone for a few moments without flipping, but I can skip a day of being in the Word so easily.

I went to a few of meetings today... at a couple of them, I felt like I was on the outside. I guess it's understandable because I'm new and such and they're discussing things that have gone on for awhile, but still. I don't know...sometimes I feel like asking me what I think is a just a formality. This is reason #2 that my priorities are outta wack. I can't be apart of anything that I don't have some sort of control over, otherwise I'm dissatisfied. It doesn't always have to be about me--I think this is what my frustration boils down to.

I've been asking God to really give me His heart for people in the last few months and especially the last few weeks. I want compassion for people and really want to care about them and help them with what they're going through. There's this song that's come on the radio recently called "Give Me Your Eyes." It's an incredible song about asking God to show us how He sees His children. Well, tonight, something was started. There's a profile on Twitter called CSPSecrets and it's a profile devoted to anyone in the CSP community to share anonymously, like the site Post Secret. It's already been sooo enlightening to see all of the people that are struggling and feel like they are alone and can't share those things. It makes you wonder what any person that you interact with is going through or carrying with them. It really stops and makes you think twice about how to enteract with people. Everyone is fragile. Everyone has baggage. Everyone has stuff. Be gentle.

Find joy in everything. That's what I want my attitude to be. That..and love. Just loving people. I've been on a kick about this since January, but I just want to love people just because they are creation of the Maker. I fail often, but this is what I strive for.

So for now...computer is my only form of communication, going with the flow (but also being involved) is something that I'm going to work on, and love. Love is my goal, my focus, and my passion.

It's the only thing that makes sense and really the only thing that we have to give that is of some value. One of my favorite movies, Moulin Rouge, says this, "the greatest thing, you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."

...be loved in return...that's a topic for another day.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

acapella thoughts on overdue movies and the church

As I sit in my apartment watching videos of acapella groups (4th gear) on youtube my mind continues to mill and mill.

A few things:
1. There aren't many acapella groups with girls, but I'd love to be in one.
2. I can't wait to be in a band. I honestly love that I get to sing everyday. I can't tell you how much.
3. I never imagined how difficult this time of internship would be to be away from friends.
4. I'm meeting the other area DCE's tomorrow and I'm utterly stoked. Like, probably to a ridiculous level...but I don't care. I'm especially excited about meeting fellow interns--ecstatic!
5. I should give myself a bed time because I've been staying up way too late just dinking around on the internet lately. I'm okay with it when I'm talking to people online, but that's not what's kept me up the last few nights.
6. Do you think overdue movie rentals are a sin? If so, I'm currently living in sin. I'm repenting/correcting my sin tomorrow though.
7. What is my purpose here? Why does God have me in this place at this time?

Tonight in church council Bible study (I'm utterly amazed that the church council has a Bible study, by the way) we watched the Nooma video, Sunday. It talks all about rituals and going to church because it's a habit and doing all of these things in order to see and be seen. It turns into a way to make ourselves look good instead of a true act of passion and love for our God. Rob Bell talked about how God doesn't want these empty works. He wants our hearts.

This is going to sound weird, I'm sure, but the thing is...I think that's almost more difficult to me. I mean, ask me to do something and I'll do it and to my best ability. You want to love me and show me how you love me? Yikes. That scares me. You just want me to simply love you and allow myself to be known? That's something I don't do well at all. But that's what You want.

I think back on my day to day life. I measure the day by how many checks are marked on my "to do" list or how empty my assignment white board is. I measure my life in the "business" side of things. I remember back to a class last year when we talked about programming vs. relationship building. Being a DCE is about relationship building, not how many programs you can pull off. Sometimes they're necessary to build the relationships...but not the important things themselves. So I think about my day. How many people did I connect with today? How many people did I stop to say "hi" to and see how they were doing? Who did I serve today? I'm worried about the "business" of my day...but guess what? I work for God's church and He's in the business of people! :) Don't just go to church, BE the church.

Just something to think about...

In the mean time, I need to tend to the business of returning/repenting for my overdue movies.

Monday, September 15, 2008

What's Your Story?

One of my favorite things to do is listen to stories. I love hearing the stories of strangers and people that I have known for years. This is how we can learn to understand someone, how we can show someone that we care about them, and how we can gain compassion for others.
For the past several weeks in the senior high Bible study time we have been studying the book of Romans. There are so many great themes and messages that are displayed throughout Romans. Our first lessons was studying the first several verses of the book and we talked about Paul’s pure joy and excitement to share the Gospel with the world. In the first verse of Romans, Paul even goes so far to say that he was “set apart for the Gospel of God (Rom. 1:1).” Paul, a converted persecutor of Christians, wanted to live for nothing else but to spread the message of Christ crucified. In verse 16 of Romans 1, Paul writes: “I am not ashamed of the Gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes.” This was the confirmation verse that was chosen for me, so it is familiar. However, when I think of Paul’s circumstances and his passion for the Gospel, I am continually amazed. The same message he had killed people for in the past became something that he was willing to die for himself.
The conversation of the group came to the question, “why don’t we have Paul’s attitude about boldly proclaiming the Gospel?” We are afraid. Rejection, embarrassment, and not knowing enough about Scripture or doctrine are just a few fears that kill our passion to share boldly. So what’s the answer? How do we get around these fears to fulfill the Great Commission of Matthew 28:19? My first thought is stories. When you get to know someone, you tell them stories about who you are, places you’ve been, and things you’ve done. Telling a story from your life and where you saw God working is a wonderful way to boldly proclaim the God that loves us! It can be difficult to walk up to someone and say “Here’s a Bible. Let me tell you about Jesus!” However, I think that just about anyone can tell a story about themselves and help others see where God has been working throughout their story. Everyone is equipped and capable of sharing Jesus with others. God has given each of us a story. Sharing your story also welcomes others to do the same and gives you an opportunity to help him or her see where God has been working in their life! I had a professor who told us she tore the back cover off of her Bible because the story isn’t finished yet. God is still working through all of our stories. I think of that old song, I Love to Tell the Story. The story of Jesus’ love can be found throughout the adventures and tales of our own lives. His rescue happens over and over again for us. His faithfulness continues to be revealed in our day to day lives.
We don’t need bull horns or gimmicks. It can simply be sharing your story and inviting someone to do the same. Blessings to you as you reflect on your personal story of God’s love and use it as a light to others!

Saturday, September 13, 2008

He Makes Dread into Delight (and why am I so surprised?!?)

God surprises us. Well..I guess I should speak for myself. He surprises me.

But why am I constantly surprised at His faithfulness?!? It's nuts--but He's helping me learn to trust.

The past week has been all over the map. Needless to say, I'm glad it's over. I usually have Fridays and Saturdays off, but this week we planned a lock-in for Friday night and a service work day for the youth for Saturday. Well, in light of my heavy week, I wasn't exactly pumped about my lack of free time for the weekend. Thursday night, I ended my work week with a heavy heart and some stress from my lack of control in some aspects of my job. I asked a friend to have lunch, so we made plans for Friday.

She was all concerned that I was overworked and had too much stress already. She gave me some encouragement about only doing what I can do and not letting the rest get to me. I don't know why, but it seems that I'm either completely carefree or I'm feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. She helped remind me that I'm not really in control even when I think I am and God is going to do with things what He will. I hardly had slept the night before. I was thinking about things that hadn't been planned, faulty communications, uncertainties, and potential failures. I woke on Friday exhausted and saying.."God, I can't do this on my own. Just take it." God used my friend to affirm this message and humble me once again. I had a fun afternoon with her and we spent time just living life and not sitting around stressing about details. I felt so much better at the end of the afternoon that I spent with my friend.

I went home thinking that this lock-in and service day could be alright. And it was more than alright. I had fun, I got to see the hearts of these incredible youth that just purely want to serve, and I got to get to know these same youth a bit better. They're just lovely and I'm so proud of them. They're stepping outside of their comfort zones to get to know people of a completely different generation who probably don't think too highly of those "crazy teens" upon first glance. They work hard and want to help. They're changing people and making a difference. :) I also get to tag along and meet some great people as well. I'm building some fun relationships with some older generations of the congregation, which is very important here. God also came through and put my mind to rest about stresses and worries that have been weighing me down.

God totally used this weekend to revive my passion to change the world. It might be moving sand, it very well could be moving to Africa, it most likely will include some sort of music element, and it's always going to involve just listening to people and loving them. Yah.

Thanks for this weekend, God. I pray that you continue to "break my heart for what breaks Yours" and help me to trust what you say in Romans 8:28: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

He used a long week to show me that there's still people who need to be loved, there's things beyond my control, and He's still working on me and filling me with huge passion for something that will make a difference. In the end, I just want to be used--that's all. I hope and pray that God continues to fill me with that desire.

In the meantime, the things I'm learning:
-I'm never too important to help someone else.
(Galatians 6:3
(NLT): If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important.)
-Never underestimate the power of community, friendship, and encouragement. Trying to handle life on my own is silly and down right unhealthy. I'm not invincible (even though I sometimes like to pretend I am. ;) )
-Worrying doesn't change a situation.
(Matthew 6:34: Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.)
-God is showing me the plans He has for me more and more every day.
-(and an ongoing theme) God is faithful to His promises. Always.

Live. Love. Let Him Love you. :D

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Always Faithful to the Unfaithful

Today has been kind of a tough day and needless to say, I'm not in the best of moods. I find that my moods can change so quickly. One thing can happen or be said and my mood is just ruined for the day. Something small can annoy me and that is what consumes my mind for the next few hours at least.

One of the main points of the youth group Bible study that we had on Sunday was faith. We talked about how sometimes our moods change, our perceptions of who God is change, and our trust in God may increase or decrease. The thing is that no matter what, God doesn't change. He is still faithful. That is one thing that we can always have faith in; that God is faithful to us. We run, but He always chases us.

Hebrews 10:23
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

This is one of my favorite verses. God promises our love, forgiveness, and salvation that was brought to fruition through Jesus' death and resurrection. Another great promise that He makes us is to "work for the good of those who love Him." He also promises to never leave or forsake us. What a great God we have!

I often think about every time that I pass up an opportunity to pray or read Scripture. I picture God just patiently waiting until I do talk to Him for awhile. Sometimes I apologize for how long it takes me to chat with Him. It's just like a relationship we might have with friends. How often do we schedule a coffee date and cancel with Him? I know I walk right past Him all of the time without saying "hello" because I'm having a bad day. But He still won't go away. Praise Him for that.