Living a better story.

Living a better story. This is something that instantly caught my attention. As a single, nearly 24 year old female, a war wages within me. Two options: settle down or seek adventure. Adventure has always been a part of me. I often desire to learn a new language, climb a large mountain, or jump out of a plane. More than any of those things, though, I want to move to Africa. Jesus came to give us life to the full! So many times in my life, I’ve been overwhelmed with this sense that I was made for something bigger. A few years ago, I watched the movie, Hotel Rwanda. It has quite the intense story line, let me tell you. The one piece that really got me was this woman working for the Red Cross in the midst of all the genocide and conflict. She went back and forth through the thick of the massacre, put herself in the line of fire, and brought the orphan kids she cared for to safety. Something came over me and I remember saying out loud, “I could do that.” Since then, the thought hasn’t let me go. After a short visit to the West African country of Ghana, I realized more than ever that I had a passion for the people there, especially the AIDS orphans.

Some days, every fiber of my being wants to get on a plane with a duffel bag and not look back. I imagine myself, this tall, blond-haired, blue-eyed girl, getting off a plane that has outside stairs. The African air smells hot and dusty. I arrive at an empty building that is soon to be filled with children. I will offer them food, shelter, and Jesus. A little girl enters with big brown eyes and a hungry tummy, no shoes, and without family. I hold her close and praise God for His provision for her. One by one the rooms become filled and I am the proud mother of so many who don’t have my nose, eyes, or hair color. I get to love them, teach them to read and write, show them how to care for one another, and introduce them to the Savior that will never leave nor forsake them. A story like that is beautiful, big, and full of adventure! I want it to be mine.

So what’s keeping me here? The same thing that keeps aspiring musicians from ditching their restaurant jobs to go full force into recording and touring. It’s the same thing that keeps people going back to their job everyday when they've been burnt out for years. It’s the same thing that makes a person in their mid to late 20’s ask out anyone they come into contact with. Security. Comfortability. To be what we should and fit the mold. We get tricked into thinking that those are far better than the unknown.

I have fallen victim to chasing after dreams less wild. After all, who knows what’s beyond the wall around our comfort zones? Living in Africa could mean living amidst political unrest, calling a ratty cot and cement floor home, being far away from family and friends, or facing a life of singleness. It could mean weeks on end without rest from being a caretaker, being out of my culture and language, and carrying the heartbreaking stories of these children with wounded hearts. These possibilities make me unnerved and war against my innate need for adventure. I fear life outside that wall. The Living a Better Story Seminar could be just what I need to fan that flame within and be about something bigger. It could be the push for me to take that first leap of faith. Not only could it help me step outside my walls and into a better story, but give lots of children the opportunity to have a better story of their own.

So many things lie beyond our comfort zones. We must decide that the act of venturing outside our walls is more important that the fears we might face on our journey. There will be challenges and trying times, but the key is to never stop pushing those walls. Because there’s something else that lies outside of my comfort zone. A better story.

Living a Better Story Seminar from All Things Converge Podcast on Vimeo.

It's been 4 years. Glad you're home.

I can't believe it's already been 4 years. Four years ago today, my good friend, Nathan, went home to be with Jesus. Every summer without fail, it's like I relive the event, but each time it gets a bit easier. It's still hard to miss a friend and to live with not understanding what God is doing through all of that, but t gets easier to rejoice that my dear friend is home.

Here is an article where his pastor told of what a great man of God he was just after his accident.

My favorite part is the last quote by Rev. Finley.

"There'll be a lot of questions over the next couple days of why, why. But we believe in the sovereignty of God. Nathan's in a better place now."

We do, indeed, believe in a God that is sovereign and sometimes that's all there is to cling to. Psalm 119:49-50 says this: "Remember your word to your servant, for you have given me hope. My comfort in suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life." God is a life giving God and the truth is that Nathan is more alive now than any of us still facing death and decay here on earth. He is home.

Below is a video of a song that I heard just after the accident happen as I was driving to work. It gave me huge peace then and still does. I imagined Nathan walking into Jesus' living room where he was welcomed in and given a seat on the couch and cold Dr. Pepper; sitting and chatting with the Savior. I still smile as I think about that. As my friend's dad said, "He skateboarding with Jesus, now kids." So glad you're home, Nate.

Just plain good...a good time for moving forward.

For the first time in a long time, I look around and see just how good life is.

I have a job that I love (after the first few weeks of starting) and allows me to also have time that is not filled with work or homework. I have a place to live. I have wonderful friends to spend time with, go on adventures with, and share life with. The sun is out and I am soaking it up!

As I look back on my time in college, especially the last year, it is difficult to believe that it is over. I loved college soo much and I guess maybe that's why I'm so excited to continue by walking alongside college students in their lives and spiritual journeys. It's just such a unique time of your life where there is freedom, chaos, exploring new things, and sharing every area of your life with the people around you. You are challenged intellectually, socially, spiritually, and probably any other -ly you could think of. Mmm..college...I think I was made for an experience like this.

All that being said, I'm so relieved to be done. Maybe that doesn't really make sense..but as I look back on college fondly, I see a lot of things that I hope to overcome as well. Because I love people so much, I became dependent on the people around me to feel whole. I couldn't say "no" to any outing, often overbooked myself, and had to call someone anytime I was bored or by myself. This was something that I overcame on internship because I had to, but fell way too easily back into that pattern when I returned to classes last year. Relationships became something that my life revolved around and while Christ calls us to be in community, it is not meant to be a replacement for a relationship that makes Him the center. Additionally, I look back and see something that terrifies me. In college, I was an overcommitted, over scheduled, stressed overachiever with too much to do, too many places to go, and too many people to please. By the end of this past school year, I was spent and unsure if I could jump into what the future held. I was stressed, often short with people when deadlines and activities approached, and had no time to be present with people. It was an unfortunate way to spend such a wonderful time in my life and my hope is that I learned enough from it never to do that again. Right before graduating, I began to feel physical effects of my stress and knew that something had to change. I'm grateful for the experience, grateful that I could see and learn from that experience, and grateful for an opportunity to move forward and do things differently.

That's the thing about moving forward, ya know? You have to keep doing it...life goes on and so shall we. But our moving forward becomes all the more meaningful when we can glance backward and see how far we've come and what we've learned for the next leg of our journey. The thing about moving forward is that it's good to look backward from time to time and thank the Lord that He didn't leave you stuck a few steps ago.

I am able to look back and see how much I have already grown since graduation. I have been adjusting to living by myself as well as still spending time with friends. I am not stressed, but feel productive. I am not overbooked, but am out living life! Amazingly enough, the "freedom" that people have talked about having in college has been found in me only after I've graduated.

This past week in a devotion we read about the children of Israel passing into the Promised Land by way of crossing the Jordan. The Lord parted the waters so that they could walk through and told them to take stones from the dry river bed and build an altar of remembrance so they would not forget how far God had brought them and how faithful He is. That's our challenge. Look around...look back at yesterday...see what God is doing, what He's brought you through and proclaim His goodness!

He said to the Israelites, "In the future when your descendants ask their fathers, 'What do these stones mean?' ²² tell them, 'Israel crossed the Jordan on dry ground.' ²³ For the LORD your God dried up the Jordan before you until you had crossed over. The LORD your God did to the Jordan just what he had done to the Red Sea when he dried it up before us until we had crossed over. ²⁴ He did this so that all the peoples of the earth might know that the hand of the LORD is powerful and so that you might always fear the LORD your God." Joshua 4:21-24

For centuries, the Israelites have claimed the pilgrimage of their people. Even now, if you would ask a Jew about who crossed the Red Sea and was freed from slavery in Egypt, they would boldly respond, "we did." We remember and participate in how God saw His people through generation after generation and become a testament to His provision. Sovereign and Faithful is His Name. And then we rejoice! Rejoice in the Promise Land of salvation that is right now and that is to come! Because the thing is, as I was so strongly reminded today, death is not the end of our moving forward. It's the beginning. Shadows loom over our journey, but the truth is this:

"Jesus has overcome and the grave is overwhelmed. The victory is won. He has risen from the dead and I will rise when He calls my name."

So with that joy and expectation, I move forward.

Sitting...

¹ I love the LORD, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy.

² Because he turned his ear to me,
I will call on him as long as I live.

³ The cords of death entangled me,
the anguish of the grave ^a]">[a] came upon me;
I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.

⁴ Then I called on the name of the LORD :
"O LORD, save me!"

⁵ The LORD is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion.

⁶ The LORD protects the simplehearted;
when I was in great need, he saved me.

⁷ Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the LORD has been good to you.

⁸ For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling,

⁹ that I may walk before the LORD
in the land of the living.

¹⁰ I believed; therefore ^b]">[b] I said,
"I am greatly afflicted."

¹¹ And in my dismay I said,
"All men are liars."

¹² How can I repay the LORD
for all his goodness to me?

¹³ I will lift up the cup of salvation
and call on the name of the LORD.

¹⁴ I will fulfill my vows to the LORD
in the presence of all his people.

¹⁵ Precious in the sight of the LORD
is the death of his saints.

¹⁶ O LORD, truly I am your servant;
I am your servant, the son of your maidservant ^c]">[c] ;
you have freed me from my chains.

¹⁷ I will sacrifice a thank offering to you
and call on the name of the LORD.

¹⁸ I will fulfill my vows to the LORD
in the presence of all his people,

¹⁹ in the courts of the house of the LORD—
in your midst, O Jerusalem.
Praise the LORD. Psalm 166

So much has happened in the last 2 weeks that it is incredible. I have finished my last college classes, taken finals, graduated, given a speech, moved out of one apartment, moved in to another apartment, said many goodbyes and see ya laters knowing that some relationships will be different and grateful others will stay the same, and drove home. The past few days have just been breathing. That's about all I am capable of and trust me, it's done me good. I came home still feeling so tense and stressed from all of finals and changes, but I've begun to relax. Part of that process has come out of a message from a pastor at the sending service for graduating church workers. He talked about sitting in God's Word and that being the only thing that brings rest and renewal. His theme was "Sit to be Sent." When we are stressed or not being filled, we try to fill our schedules and end up cluttering our hearts and minds instead of clearing them. This is one of the easiest roads to being burned out. I am so guilty of such things and let me tell you, the results are devastating. I become high strung, edgy, and not present or patient with people. When I try so hard to be about everything and everyone else, it's only me that I begin to focus on. So what's the solution? Sitting in God's Word. I'm at home...it's quiet...relaxed...and I've got to get back to what's important: starting and ending my day in the Word.

This transition has been a very strange one for me. It's taking me awhile to digest that I'm not going to be living with my roommates anymore, there will be no more papers to write, I won't be up all night finishing projects over pizza, and this strange end to a journey has some how morphed into a new beginning. It's sad to say goodbye to that chapter of life, but it has been good to take a step back from it, let it all sink in, and see what's happened and where I've come from. It's good to sit.

So Psalm 116...it's been helpful in sitting. Verse 7 reads: "Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you." It has helped me to breathe. I can rest in the truth that God is good. He has been SO good to me in the past few years and I have no reason to doubt His goodness for the future. He hears us. He delivers us. He is faithful. Even when things are more difficult, His Word stands so that we can sit in it. We sit and rest. So that we might be sent out to serve.

For now...I'm letting my heart rate get back to normal, letting the muscle tension subside, and watching the anxiety disappear as I sit. I'm excited for what's next and it's going to be great..after I've sat...to be sent.

No One is Like Our God.

It is incredible that the God we serve is not a God who stands at a distance. He is not a God who watches from afar and stays uninvolved in the lives of His people. He is not a God who says "fend for yourself" or "I gave you the tools; go do it already."

He is a God who sustains. "Man cannot live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the Lord." He is a God that brings rest. "He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul." He is a God that takes life on for us. "He who knew no sin became sin for us."

We are so affected by the circumstances of our world. His love for us, however, is unaffected by anything. Nothing can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus.

So I breathe the Spirit in and out and give thanks for being sustained.

That is all.

Sometimes the most gracious thing we can do is say nothing.

Is it graduation yet?

This entire break (and especially today) I have been the epitome of senioritis.

I have exhausted all motivation and all physical and mental wherewithal to accomplish academic tasks.

This could be a long night..

Friday night at home

A Table for Two by Caedmon's Call

Danny and I spent another late night over pancakes,
Talkin' 'bout soccer
And how every man's just the same
We made speculation
On the who's and the when's of our futures
And how everyone's lonely
But still we just couldn't complain

And how we just hate being alone
Could I have missed my only chance
And now I'm just wasting my time
By looking around
But you know I know better
I'm not gonna worry 'bout nothing
Cause if the birds and the flowers survive
Then I'll make it okay
I'm given a chance and a rock
see which one breaks a window
See which one keeps me up all night and into the day

Because I'm so scared of being alone
That I forget what house I live in
But it's not my job to wait by the phone
For her to call

Well this day's been crazy
But everything's happened on schedule
from the rain and the cold
To the drink that I spilled on my shirt
'Cause You knew how You'd save me
before I fell dead in the garden
And You knew this day
long before You made me out of dirt

And You know the plans that You have for me
And You can't plan the end and not plan the means
And so I suppose I just need some peace
Just to get me to sleep.


Because I'm so scared of being alone
That I forget what house I live in
But it's not my job to wait by the phone

Learning not to be lonely and resting in Jesus...it's a lifelong lesson.

rolling stones.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately.

I'm going through so many things in my life currently...physically, socially, vocationally, academically. There's just a lot going on.

God has granted me an opportunity to get off campus and take some time today. As Kevin told me, I'm taking an opportunity to "create some mental space." I think that's great advice. Giving myself some time and space to think and pray and not be consumed by what surrounds me.

Well, the time I've taken to escape has been absolutely beautiful. I'm not escaping any issue, that's for sure. Nothing has been solved or removed, but when you back up, it's easier to see that God is moving all over in it, that He is reigning in the midst and over top of all these goings on, and that truly it is He that is my sustainer, my life, and my salvation. I know I talked about it in my last entry, but He is teaching me this and it takes me a long time to learn especially in the midst of so much that tries to challenge that truth.

So for the last couple of weeks, I've been battling this allergic reaction on my hand that is actually probably a lot bigger deal than I think it is, but I think it's beginning to get under control. It's incredible to me how draining physical pain is and truly you cannot focus on other types of needs when your basic physical needs are in jeopardy. I gained so much compassion for people in physical pain in these past couple of weeks. It makes me want to care for the hurting because it is difficult to be in pain and it is difficult to allow others to help you when you're in that situation. It is also difficult to be the ones walking alongside those in pain. You are rendered helpless and so are they. The gift of presence is a powerful one. I am so grateful to wonderful people in my life these past two weeks who have sat with me while I've cried and been in pain and when I've been grouchy because my tolerance was low. I'm sorry for that and I'm so grateful to you. I've seen God work in people taking care of me, in people working out getting me medicine that I cannot afford, and getting to go to the doctor when I didn't think it was possible. God you truly are providing in huge, bold, and obvious ways.

Socially, well... let's just say that I've made a lot of mistakes. I have neglected people in my life who are capable of loving me enormously and stretching me and growing me. I have been hurtful to some friends. It's so difficult being a sinner and realizing how much we are at the mercy of others and their willingness to forgive. Praise God for forgiving freely. Other relationships just look so different and to be honest, that hurts a lot, however, God is teaching me, once again, that I'm sustained in Him alone. So what do I do? I do what I know how--love, forgive, say I'm sorry, try to do better, and realize that in relationships with others, there is a lot that is out of my control. So the Holy Spirit is granting me peace and extra grace when I'm challenged. Sometimes, when it gets too hard, I have to step back, create some mental space, and trust in God's Word. Isaiah 43 reminds me that I've been redeemed and called by name and God calls me His. In John, he asks that God would make his joy complete in Christ. That is my prayer. I am being so challenged to look at my relationships as things that enhance my life, but don't define my life. Christ does that. Habakkuk 3 shows what it looks like to praise in the midst of life's stuff. And so we do. Because Christ is our sustainer.

Vocationally...well...I am trying to figure out life after graduation, which, as you can imagine is an incredible challenge and full of stress and ugh...well...everything. It's probably one of the biggest decisions I've ever made in my life and I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm tense, stressed, and trying to create some space to think, be at peace, and rest that God knows where I'm going and is going to bless it whatever I decide. I've been blessed with some good conversations in the past few days and I'm so grateful for the wise people that are in my life to speak truth into my heart and mind. See what I mean? Stepping back helps us to see His faithfulness. I've been in a bit of a cocoon lately just because discernment takes a lot of energy out of me and I want to give this process as much as it deserves. I've made some headway, I think, and I trust that God will guide. Creating space to listen and just be has been huge.

So here I am. In my created space.

Reading blogs about the struggles of people I'm praying for, reading about the incredible joys and stories of overcoming struggles, hearing from people that God has given me and listening to their pain and their indescribable strength, the depth of their struggle, and others ability to see past it into the salvation Christ has brought us. And at this point...all I can think about....is rocks.

Rocks. I know, right?

There are rocks, aren't there. Every flipping where. Rocks. You know the bear hunt song..."can't go under it, can't go over it, can't go around, can't go through it." Usually there's one that you can do in that song, but our rocks in life don't work like that. They are just plain in the way. We have to go through them, but boy is that messy and boy does it hurt. Future decisions, struggles in relationships, death, academic struggles, transitions, physical pain, cancer, distance from loved ones. There. are. rocks.

Right now one of the most relevant passages to me is of the women going to the tomb on Easter morning. It's appropriate for our Lenten journey. Maybe a bit premature..but you know...it's good stuff and totally where I'm at. The women were mourning and carried their spices and oils down the road with their heads hanging low. Their minds were fuzzy with grief and the world around them was clouded. All of a sudden it dawns on one of them..."who will roll the stone away?" Doesn't that just hit you?!? Those dad gum rocks. They are so big. They stare us in the face. They won't go away and we sure as heck couldn't budge them. We just sit there, look up, and say "who will roll the stone away?"

Satan likes rocks. He puts them in our way. He thought that rock was going to hold our Savior. Ha! Well...here's the thing... Jesus (and one of the angels) rolled the stone away. He couldn't be held by a rock and His power isn't contained by the rocks in our life either. Who will roll the stone away? Jesus already has. He's a stone roller (not to be confused with a Rolling Stone :D ) and He continues to roll stones for us. Let's face it. There are going to be times when we've been asked to go, not know how the stone is going to get rolled away, but trusting that it's going to be rolled away when we arrive. But even on that journey of walking in faith, we might be doing a lot of asking "who will roll the stone away?" The eternal question has been answered. And it's Jesus.

I'm speechless, in awe, and grateful that He didn't leave the stone unturned.

You hold everything together.

I've never claimed to be good at prayer or understand how it works. When I think about that, actually, I get crabby because it's so beyond my comprehension.

How incredible, though, that we can approach the throne of Jesus boldly with anything. Anything at all...nothing to big or small... The door is open to us. His ear is leaned in our direction. He promises to hear us. So tonight, Lord, I take rest in the fact that you hear me. Today has been a day of constant prayer. I don't know where it came from exactly. I don't claim at all to be a prayer warrior. It's something I would like to be. I'm so all over the place most days that it's hard to remember or focus. I guess that would improve with prayer and practice. But today, there was so much on my heart and mind...my family, friends, people in need of healing, the future, the hearts of those who aren't believers, stress and busyness, relationships of all shapes and sizes, and to just be still.

We read this verse today in OLF and it was actually made into a song lyric that has been running continuously in my head.

"He is before all things, and in him all things hold together." Colossians 1:17

I took so much rest in that verse today. God is in control; holding everything together. Our professor talked about how we might be offended to need to be held together. Offended at the idea that we, ourselves aren't holding things together. No. I could see myself going there on other days perhaps. But today.....I needed to be held together. People asked for forms, scheduled appointments, wanting assignments, giving deadlines, wanting updates, giving updates, needing discussions, needing time/energy/focus/love, wanting encouragement, etc...the list marches on. I rested in the fact that God holds all things...including me...together. I think of those circular puzzles. That's the image I get. The pieces are loose and will fall apart, but Christ is the gravity in the center holding it together. Gravity. Jesus is our rock that we can be grounded on and force that holds us there. This is an epic connection.

In this verse, I also hear the name I AM. He was before all things...He was...He holds all things together...He is and is to come. He's a sandwich who is the Alpha, Omega, and in the middle. And the bread is what especially holds a sandwich together. Okay...so I'm a visual person. This is seriously what I think about in class during our conversations. Theology...and sandwiches. Not a bad combo. McDonald's should market that.

Today was odd. Even though it was filled to the brim of activity, people, emotion, intellect, and other stimulating things, I couldn't help but find myself being so loved by Jesus and so in love with Him. It's been awhile since I've really sat in this place. I think there's something to be said for me being a quality time person. It's my primary love language and as of late, I've been in the Word and in prayer a lot as my Rock to lean on. It's funny how when I don't spend time with people, I feel so disconnected, but when I spend quality time with someone, I feel so loved and connected. I've observed the same in my relationship with the Lord. Even though I know His love doesn't change, being in the Word to hear about His love for me and praying (acknowledging His love for me because He promises to hear me) has provided me with some great quality time to receive the love of Christ.

Love like a hurricane. I am a tree.

Jesus is Unmoved and He is in Us

Boy, has it been a long time since I've written on this blog consistently. I haven't really thought through the purpose of this blog, but I guess it's probably so I can remind myself later of what God is doing and has done in my life as well as share it with those who care to walk alongside the path that carries my journey.

So for today, this is what I've got.

God is teaching me some pretty big lessons at this point in time. These lessons aren't really measurable or tangible per say, but some may argue that it means they are all the more important.

-The first of these lessons is trust and I guess it is more of a fringe benefit of the greater lesson that is to follow. I'll say more about this, but God is teaching me peace and rest at the moment. I am reading a book called Traveling Light at the moment and it is all based on the 23rd Psalm. The crux of my growing from that Psalm lies in the following verses:

¹ The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

² He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

³ he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

Believing in these promises and discovering more meaning in them (with the help of Max Lucado) has helped me to calm down in Jesus. Our Shepherd is good. He gives us what we need. He helps us to rest when we are being compared to the most volatile animal that cannot sleep without just the right conditions (Lucado's observation). He makes it possible for us to rest and brings restoration to us. He guides our paths. Trusting and simply falling limp into these promises and letting them hold me is the goal. More and more I see Jesus taking away my fears, calming my anxieties, reassuring me that He was, is, and will be in control. This is good for me as a person standing on the brink of the unknown. The Lord is my Shepherd; leading me into what I cannot see or know.

-The second and greater lesson I'm learning is similar and being tested intensely and repeatedly. It's good, it's frustrating, it's challenging, and it's good. It's nothing that hasn't been said before, so if you're looking to the secret to life, well this is probably as close as there is to one, but it's not really a secret. Here it is....

I know that my Redeemer lives,
and that in the end he will stand upon the earth.^"

²⁶ And after my skin has been destroyed,
yet in my flesh I will see God;

²⁷ I myself will see him
with my own eyes—I, and not another.
How my heart yearns within me! Job 19:25-27

Job was an incredible man of faith who got what I'm about to say. He went through a multitude of struggles and afflictions and still he rested in the truth that he belonged to the Lord and that his Lord was in control and taking care of him. Wow. Yesterday I put a pretty good summary of this on my Twitter. "I belong to Jesus & I'm okay. Regardless of circumstances or people that surround me, that holds true. Thanks be to God." My hope, my joy, my peace, my wholeness, my identity, my dreams, my groundedness, my love, my sturdiness, my strength, my wisdom, my passion, everything I am...it rests in nothing else but Jesus Christ and the fact that I am His. There are so many things in my daily life that knock me off balance and have the ability to wreck my mood like coffee on a white sweater. It's unbelievable how quickly my entire outlook can change by the smallest of circumstances or one small gesture from a person. The truth is, what I have in Jesus is so much bigger than my feelings or moods. What I have in Jesus is so much bigger than who people say I am, how someone chooses to treat me at a given time, or a circumstance that is beyond my control. I've been facing some hurtful situations recently with few places to turn to. But standing on the Rock of the Gospel means that we are not moved by the things of this world. Because greater is the One who is in us. Amen for that!! Not only does it free me from being knocked out of whack every time someone hurts my feelings, but it frees me so deeply that I can keep loving freely. Don't mishear me, I'm not advocating being a doormat. I'm just saying that when Jesus is for you, honestly, who can even be against you? The things I think I need in life or from people becoming secondary to what I already have in the salvation found in Christ. Max Lucado says this in Traveling Light:

"Are you hoping that a change in circumstances will bring a change in your attitude? If so, you are in prison, and you need to learn a secret of traveling light. What you have in your Shepherd is greater than what you don't have in life."

Jesus is the ultimate game changer. Today I was thinking how blessed we are to have this hope and be able to be held by Jesus in the midst of such a chaotic world that is scary and full of uncertainty. My comments were this:

"There's something about Him. About His promises and how He came. How He suffered and did the unthinkable--coming back to life so we could have it with Him. There's just something about Him that makes everything right. No matter what is said, done, seen, felt, or heard, it is nothing in comparison. He was, is, and will be and in that, we are made unshakeable."

I pray this is a place that God holds me in and that I can fall deeper into rest in Jesus and it is my prayer that you can rest there too. He gives it freely. Praise God for that. Without Him I'd be beyond a wreck. Even when He is there, I wreck things trying to do it myself. He quiets me and says "let me lead you by still waters." Lead on, Lord.

coffee in the afternoon is watching love.

I love sitting in coffee shops in the afternoon. Some days I feel like I'm in a movie. Eric Whitacre graces my ears and the world seems to slow down. I imagine what a couple at the high table along the wall is discussing. The lady next to me, I imagine she's trying to write an email to her granddaughter in Westminster, Maryland. A little boy with shiny brown hair and his cheeks full of air leans against the pastry glass. Grandpa can't say no. He takes his new treasure to a table and opens it like a new package on Christmas morning. His feet tawdle to and fro and his face is graced with powdered sugar like the cold sidewalks outside the window. People rush in and out. Sucked into laptops or staring into space. Every time the door opens it's an exciting new plot twist to the establishment's day. Who will grace us with their presence? Where did they come from and where are they going? To be a flower on the lapel of all who enter and exit would be quite extraordinary. The little one is thirsty. He climbs up on a large chair to reach the water cooler. So proud that he did it himself, he stops to take a drink out of his paper cup. He looks down unsure how he'll climb to the floor with his water cup. A gentleman watches with a grin. Reaching out to this adventurous young lad, he takes the cup. Unsure for a moment, the boy looks at his cup and back to the man. The child smiles and hands the man the cup. He jumps off the chair and takes the cup back to his grandpa. The love of a day with Grandpa. As the choir sings in my ears, he mouths "say thank you!." The boy turns back. "Thank you." And it's back to the donut. That's love. Donuts with Grandpa. A stranger to hold your cup while you jump off your chair. And a warm place with warm drinks on a cold day. Oh, to see the love that surrounds us and to join in with love. The beautiful chords, melodies and harmonies that seem to fill the room, but only in my mind. It's the sound of love. You can't see it, but it fills you. You can't describe it, but you witness it unfold and in some way it changes you. And maybe only for a moment, the world seems full of purpose and beauty as people, words, events, schedules, dreams, and beverages seem to dance and together weaving into a grand choral work. The darkness is painful but brings meaning, depth, and gratitude. The light is life and hope. And to stand back and watch it all mix together into something grandiose. This is a snapshot. How worlds combine at a single point in time, to make a chord that will be part of a greater theme of ups and downs. No matter the notes, no matter the direction, no matter anything, the song is held together by love.