Today was a bit rough on the fasting front. My headache was pretty intense almost constantly and it was difficult to focus. I've been staying up pretty late and I haven't had any caffeine. So that equals me being really unfocused and "meh" feeling.
Buut...I feel like my body is getting healthier. I had a healthy lunch and then I came home and made dinner (grilled chicken, rice, and peas). Woot woot! I felt good about making that dinner tonight. I'm determined to do better at taking care of my body. After all, it is a temple.
Tonight I got to talk to my friend, Scott, from camp. We hadn't talked in a long time...about a year and a half. It was so great talking to him about life, God, and how far we've come since camp. He's always someone who can make me think about things differently and bring a different perspective about faith and life. I couldn't believe how long we talked--it's like no time had gone by. God's doing awesome things with him and it's so great to hear stories about how God is working and continues to stretch us.
Tomorrow will be a full day. I still haven't written anything about The Shack. It's because I have so much to say that I know it'll take some time and thought...and I haven't put in that much effort yet. Ha! But tomorrow...I get to rest for awhile and then I'm taking my kids to a youth conference for the weekend. It's exciting! :)
Peace.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Ash Wednesday...(no comments on "The Shack" yet)
Today is Ash Wednesday. The beginning of the Lenten journey.
They often use the "journey" image with Lent. I really like thinking about things in terms of a journey. I can relate to that. For Lent, I imagine us being on a road that winds around, up, and down, until we get to Jerusalem on Palm Sunday and take the Holy Week journey. It's a journey to the cross. I think it's so great because journeys are taken one step at a time and we get to center our focus more and more throughout this season. By the last week, we're in it. Involved, invested, and apart of the story.
My Lenten "journey" will not be fueled, however, by pop or coffee or anything from Starbucks for that matter. It's going to be tough--I've already experienced a dull headache, which stinks, but is only affirmation that I really need to do this. My water bottle will be my close companion. :) I reflected for awhile about why people give up things for Lent. I don't want to fall into some legalistic practice that is used to make people feel like "better Christians." Not only will this be something that is positive for my body...a stewardship mindset, if you will....but what a great way to break my dependence on something that I insist on having around all too regularly.
I want to blog everyday of this 40 days as well. Not all the same thing...maybe some songs or poetry that I've written...maybe just a Bible verse that's stood out to me....who knows. It's just good to write. :)
I got to impose ashes on people today. It was so different being on the flip side of things. It was really interesting to see the responses that people had to it. I would say, "remember that you are dust and to dust you shall return." Some said "amen," others said "thank you." I didn't know if I should smile at people or not as they approached me. But then I realized this: Dust isn't bad. God created it. It's His. We started with Him as dust and we will end with Him as dust again. His promise to us is sure that in baptism we were marked on our forehead with His name and we are His. We all know that life is fleeting, but that will never change the fact that we belong to God and will always continue to. We have bear the dirt of our sin, but it also shows us how desperately we need our Savior.
I pray that Lent is a reflective time for you. Think about whose you are and rest in the journey He made for you as He walks with you on yours.
They often use the "journey" image with Lent. I really like thinking about things in terms of a journey. I can relate to that. For Lent, I imagine us being on a road that winds around, up, and down, until we get to Jerusalem on Palm Sunday and take the Holy Week journey. It's a journey to the cross. I think it's so great because journeys are taken one step at a time and we get to center our focus more and more throughout this season. By the last week, we're in it. Involved, invested, and apart of the story.
My Lenten "journey" will not be fueled, however, by pop or coffee or anything from Starbucks for that matter. It's going to be tough--I've already experienced a dull headache, which stinks, but is only affirmation that I really need to do this. My water bottle will be my close companion. :) I reflected for awhile about why people give up things for Lent. I don't want to fall into some legalistic practice that is used to make people feel like "better Christians." Not only will this be something that is positive for my body...a stewardship mindset, if you will....but what a great way to break my dependence on something that I insist on having around all too regularly.
I want to blog everyday of this 40 days as well. Not all the same thing...maybe some songs or poetry that I've written...maybe just a Bible verse that's stood out to me....who knows. It's just good to write. :)
I got to impose ashes on people today. It was so different being on the flip side of things. It was really interesting to see the responses that people had to it. I would say, "remember that you are dust and to dust you shall return." Some said "amen," others said "thank you." I didn't know if I should smile at people or not as they approached me. But then I realized this: Dust isn't bad. God created it. It's His. We started with Him as dust and we will end with Him as dust again. His promise to us is sure that in baptism we were marked on our forehead with His name and we are His. We all know that life is fleeting, but that will never change the fact that we belong to God and will always continue to. We have bear the dirt of our sin, but it also shows us how desperately we need our Savior.
I pray that Lent is a reflective time for you. Think about whose you are and rest in the journey He made for you as He walks with you on yours.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Life :) ...livin' it.
Life is so flipping good.
God is so good. This whole relationship thing with Him is waay better than a legalistic set of guidelines from a character with a gavel. The Shack has given me such a different perspective about what it means to be in relationship with God. I'm not saying I agree with everything in the book, but to see what my relationship with God could look like is absolutely mind boggling. I'm almost done with the book!! More to come about that when I'm finished.
I've had a few situations as of late that had the potential to really be "day wreckers" if you will. Relationships always have the power to hugely impact my mood. I'm realizing more and more, however, that this relationship that I have with God is so much bigger than any other relationship that might disappoint. He just wants to simply be with me. He loves without pretense or agenda. It's overwhelming...this God wants to just spend time with me.
More on this later...confirmation and youth group must happen right now.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My day/night at church is finally over. I've been in that building from 7am-8:45pm with only leaving for about 30 minutes after church to get lunch. Yikes.
Anyway, regardless of spending lots of time at church, I had an amazing day. I find that I've been opened up to how real a relationship with God can be and I simply beam at the thought of constantly being with Him. That relationship gives me satisfaction and just an indescribable bliss that comes with spending time with an old friend. :) I can't even fathom it. It's been such a break through in these last few days about what it means to be in relationship with God. I don't know. I'm baffled by it. It's awesome.
And I'm just amazed by the little things in life that we can overlook, but can bring a smile to our face if we think of them as little gifts from our pursing God. :) A great prayer by a youth, a goodie bag left on the door step from a neighbor, a word of encouragement, a Word that God speaks to my heart right where I'm at. :)
Today this verse was in my devotion!!
"My heart has heard you say, 'Come and talk with me.' And my heart responds, 'Lord, I am coming.'" Psalm 27:8
Wow. I'm blown away by that verse!! God is a lover of quality time...just like me! :) He invites me to come and chat. :) And I say..there's nothing I'd love more, Abba.
So, I always avoid the topic of romantic relationships because they are so foreign to me and frankly they often make me uncomfortable. I don't know what to do with them. I am getting better with that though. I'm growing. :) Buuut...all of the aforementioned things do not deter my desire to have one of these said relationships. I find myself being defeated over and over again in this area of life. Things are never what I think and I get disappointed time and time again. I get hit repeatedly with a message that I'm not wanted. That sounds worse than I mean. I know people want me...friends want me around...God wants me. I have self-esteem, I promise. I just mean in a plain, honest sort of way that no man currently wants to pursue my heart or feels that it is worthy of doing so. This was a realization that was brought up once again yesterday. It could've brought me down like it has before...but no. It didn't.
There's just this something. This something about being so satisfied. Honestly so satisfied with this relationship that I'm diving into with Jesus. Yes, I still want to find that special guy...as difficult and awkward as it is for me to admit...but I am so good with who God is in me. I'm so content with the fact that He is enough, all I need, and is always pursuing my heart. :)
Thanks, Jesus. I really am grateful. Thanks for your love.
Have a great week, everyone. :)
God is so good. This whole relationship thing with Him is waay better than a legalistic set of guidelines from a character with a gavel. The Shack has given me such a different perspective about what it means to be in relationship with God. I'm not saying I agree with everything in the book, but to see what my relationship with God could look like is absolutely mind boggling. I'm almost done with the book!! More to come about that when I'm finished.
I've had a few situations as of late that had the potential to really be "day wreckers" if you will. Relationships always have the power to hugely impact my mood. I'm realizing more and more, however, that this relationship that I have with God is so much bigger than any other relationship that might disappoint. He just wants to simply be with me. He loves without pretense or agenda. It's overwhelming...this God wants to just spend time with me.
More on this later...confirmation and youth group must happen right now.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My day/night at church is finally over. I've been in that building from 7am-8:45pm with only leaving for about 30 minutes after church to get lunch. Yikes.
Anyway, regardless of spending lots of time at church, I had an amazing day. I find that I've been opened up to how real a relationship with God can be and I simply beam at the thought of constantly being with Him. That relationship gives me satisfaction and just an indescribable bliss that comes with spending time with an old friend. :) I can't even fathom it. It's been such a break through in these last few days about what it means to be in relationship with God. I don't know. I'm baffled by it. It's awesome.
And I'm just amazed by the little things in life that we can overlook, but can bring a smile to our face if we think of them as little gifts from our pursing God. :) A great prayer by a youth, a goodie bag left on the door step from a neighbor, a word of encouragement, a Word that God speaks to my heart right where I'm at. :)
Today this verse was in my devotion!!
"My heart has heard you say, 'Come and talk with me.' And my heart responds, 'Lord, I am coming.'" Psalm 27:8
Wow. I'm blown away by that verse!! God is a lover of quality time...just like me! :) He invites me to come and chat. :) And I say..there's nothing I'd love more, Abba.
So, I always avoid the topic of romantic relationships because they are so foreign to me and frankly they often make me uncomfortable. I don't know what to do with them. I am getting better with that though. I'm growing. :) Buuut...all of the aforementioned things do not deter my desire to have one of these said relationships. I find myself being defeated over and over again in this area of life. Things are never what I think and I get disappointed time and time again. I get hit repeatedly with a message that I'm not wanted. That sounds worse than I mean. I know people want me...friends want me around...God wants me. I have self-esteem, I promise. I just mean in a plain, honest sort of way that no man currently wants to pursue my heart or feels that it is worthy of doing so. This was a realization that was brought up once again yesterday. It could've brought me down like it has before...but no. It didn't.
There's just this something. This something about being so satisfied. Honestly so satisfied with this relationship that I'm diving into with Jesus. Yes, I still want to find that special guy...as difficult and awkward as it is for me to admit...but I am so good with who God is in me. I'm so content with the fact that He is enough, all I need, and is always pursuing my heart. :)
Thanks, Jesus. I really am grateful. Thanks for your love.
Have a great week, everyone. :)
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Finished lots of things...& Free by the blood of the lamb
Today I dominated life. There was so much to be done (and there still is a good amount to get done), but the things that needed to get done today did. I felt so productive and that is really gratifying for me to be able to check things off of my list. It's one of my biggest joys in life. :)
Life always provides days like today...a challenge and then a sense of accomplishment upon rising to the challenge. I like those days. :) ...usually more so at the end than the beginning though.
Today was strangely wrapped in discussion about spiritual warfare. I know that's a random jump, but it was on my mind. We even talked about the workings of the devil in Kindergarten music class. These kids are awesome/strange/surprising/ridiculous.
Last night I had a discussion with a friend about how God empowers us to do huge things, but satan lies to us and keeps us from doing anything remotely close to what our potential would allow. I told my friend to read Galatians 1 without really knowing what it said. We read through it and this is the part that stood out:
I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you by the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel— which is really no gospel at all. Evidently some people are throwing you into confusion and are trying to pervert the gospel of Christ. But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let him be eternally condemned! As we have already said, so now I say again: If anybody is preaching to you a gospel other than what you accepted, let him be eternally condemned! Galatians 1:6-9
The bold phrase was really the kicker for me. God's Word and the Gospel of Jesus Christ's death and resurrection is Truth. satan is the father of lies. If there is a chance that we can easily turn to a "different gospel" in our lives, what about the True Gospel has been twisted, confused, or distorted? That's the question. What aspect of the Gospel has satan twisted just a bit to bind us to a gospel that isn't the Free Truth of Christ crucified? My friend and I threw out several options...
-the lie that the Gospel isn't for everyone, only for some
-that Jesus just died for Christians.
-that there is still something I have to do to earn Jesus' love.
-that I'm not worthy of the salvation given me.
and here's the one that my friend and I concluded was being spoken to him and probably to me as well...
-that the Gospel proves powerful and true for our eternal salvation, but we are rendered powerless here and now on earth.
There is so much truth to that. satan leads us to believe that the dreams we have are unreachable, the problems that surround us are unsolvable, that we would never be capable of doing great things and it's not even worth it to try. What an awful, awful lie!
It's a lie I'm currently struggling against. We talked about spiritual attack in prayer group this morning and how we are called to put on the full armor of God! The Word of God is our sword! It is our weapon against the wickedness of satan. His lies are disproved in God's Truth. It is our way to know when satan is speaking lies to us. We must hold it to the Word of God and what it says about who we are. Guess what...we can't know what it says about who we are if we don't read it!! We have no ammunition if we aren't in the Word.
I, as of late, haven't been consistently in God's Word. I can always tell too. Like, things don't bounce off of me as easily, even when I know they're not true. I get weighed down by things. Joy, purpose, and focus are more difficult to come by. I need to "sharpen my Sword," so to speak. satan has no power over those of us who are truly free in Christ. Own that.
In other news, I'm reading the book The Shack right now and it's pretty interesting. I'm a bit over half way through. I'll probably have some thoughts about it when I'm done, but I'm still trying to figure things out. I don't know how much of it I'll really agree with, but one thing is for sure, I've been engaged in it (which is a huge feat in and of itself) and secondly, it's taken my "God box" (if you will) and shattered it with a hammer. It really works to break up our stereotypes and boundaries that we create for God to live within. It's interesting. More on that later.
....that lady that had the octuplets and already has 6 kids at home was just on TV. They ask everyone and their mother about what they think about this lady, her family, her lifestyle, the doctors, etc etc. "Oh how appalling!" "How could she!" "How irresponsible and dangerous!" "Our tax dollars going to this?!?" Okay..so maybe it's not an ideal situation. But get off your darn soapbox and do something about it. Your criticism isn't helping anything or anyone. Actually, you're only making her situation worse. If you are concerned about the wellbeing of the children, do something to improve it. Thanks. That is all.
Last thing...I saw a person get hit by a car tonight. Well...I didn't physically see the person get hit, but I was there just after it happened. A few cars had stopped in the middle of a pretty major street and I was wondering what was up. Then as I got closer, I saw a person laying in the street. People were covering the person with lots of layers of blankets--probably to help with shock. I didn't feel like I should stop. Too many people often make the situation worse. I got about a block away and heard the sirens and then I saw the ambulance coming. It was really crazy. I don't think I've ever seen anything like that before. It was kind of intense for me.
Anyway...I'm talking to the Hawaiian intern right now. And I should be in bed. Blessings all...I pray that God reigns over you and shows you in everyway possible how much He delights in you.
Life always provides days like today...a challenge and then a sense of accomplishment upon rising to the challenge. I like those days. :) ...usually more so at the end than the beginning though.
Today was strangely wrapped in discussion about spiritual warfare. I know that's a random jump, but it was on my mind. We even talked about the workings of the devil in Kindergarten music class. These kids are awesome/strange/surprising/ridiculous.
Last night I had a discussion with a friend about how God empowers us to do huge things, but satan lies to us and keeps us from doing anything remotely close to what our potential would allow. I told my friend to read Galatians 1 without really knowing what it said. We read through it and this is the part that stood out:
I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you by the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel— which is really no gospel at all. Evidently some people are throwing you into confusion and are trying to pervert the gospel of Christ. But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let him be eternally condemned! As we have already said, so now I say again: If anybody is preaching to you a gospel other than what you accepted, let him be eternally condemned! Galatians 1:6-9
The bold phrase was really the kicker for me. God's Word and the Gospel of Jesus Christ's death and resurrection is Truth. satan is the father of lies. If there is a chance that we can easily turn to a "different gospel" in our lives, what about the True Gospel has been twisted, confused, or distorted? That's the question. What aspect of the Gospel has satan twisted just a bit to bind us to a gospel that isn't the Free Truth of Christ crucified? My friend and I threw out several options...
-the lie that the Gospel isn't for everyone, only for some
-that Jesus just died for Christians.
-that there is still something I have to do to earn Jesus' love.
-that I'm not worthy of the salvation given me.
and here's the one that my friend and I concluded was being spoken to him and probably to me as well...
-that the Gospel proves powerful and true for our eternal salvation, but we are rendered powerless here and now on earth.
There is so much truth to that. satan leads us to believe that the dreams we have are unreachable, the problems that surround us are unsolvable, that we would never be capable of doing great things and it's not even worth it to try. What an awful, awful lie!
It's a lie I'm currently struggling against. We talked about spiritual attack in prayer group this morning and how we are called to put on the full armor of God! The Word of God is our sword! It is our weapon against the wickedness of satan. His lies are disproved in God's Truth. It is our way to know when satan is speaking lies to us. We must hold it to the Word of God and what it says about who we are. Guess what...we can't know what it says about who we are if we don't read it!! We have no ammunition if we aren't in the Word.
I, as of late, haven't been consistently in God's Word. I can always tell too. Like, things don't bounce off of me as easily, even when I know they're not true. I get weighed down by things. Joy, purpose, and focus are more difficult to come by. I need to "sharpen my Sword," so to speak. satan has no power over those of us who are truly free in Christ. Own that.
In other news, I'm reading the book The Shack right now and it's pretty interesting. I'm a bit over half way through. I'll probably have some thoughts about it when I'm done, but I'm still trying to figure things out. I don't know how much of it I'll really agree with, but one thing is for sure, I've been engaged in it (which is a huge feat in and of itself) and secondly, it's taken my "God box" (if you will) and shattered it with a hammer. It really works to break up our stereotypes and boundaries that we create for God to live within. It's interesting. More on that later.
....that lady that had the octuplets and already has 6 kids at home was just on TV. They ask everyone and their mother about what they think about this lady, her family, her lifestyle, the doctors, etc etc. "Oh how appalling!" "How could she!" "How irresponsible and dangerous!" "Our tax dollars going to this?!?" Okay..so maybe it's not an ideal situation. But get off your darn soapbox and do something about it. Your criticism isn't helping anything or anyone. Actually, you're only making her situation worse. If you are concerned about the wellbeing of the children, do something to improve it. Thanks. That is all.
Last thing...I saw a person get hit by a car tonight. Well...I didn't physically see the person get hit, but I was there just after it happened. A few cars had stopped in the middle of a pretty major street and I was wondering what was up. Then as I got closer, I saw a person laying in the street. People were covering the person with lots of layers of blankets--probably to help with shock. I didn't feel like I should stop. Too many people often make the situation worse. I got about a block away and heard the sirens and then I saw the ambulance coming. It was really crazy. I don't think I've ever seen anything like that before. It was kind of intense for me.
Anyway...I'm talking to the Hawaiian intern right now. And I should be in bed. Blessings all...I pray that God reigns over you and shows you in everyway possible how much He delights in you.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Phew.
It's been quite a full weekend!
All day Friday and Saturday I was at church, along with about 6 other people, decorating and getting ready for the fundraising gala. We were rushing around until the last minute, but everything got done and turned out really well.
The kids served dinner and drinks. We also had silent auction baskets, several raffle items, and a couple of live auction items. The kids did 3 little routines to 50's songs. The girls danced to "He's So Fine" and I sang to a split track. That was pretty fun. Then later in the evening, I sang "At Last" by Etta James and people were calling me "Etta" for the rest of the night and on Sunday morning. It was a full, but fun night. I left church around 11:30pm, only to return at 7am for Sunday worship. Man, it was rough getting up. Worship went well though, for all 4 services, so that's good.
During the 7:30 service, we learned there was going to be an event in the fellowship hall that evening, which meant we had to clean it up before then. Kids started cleaning after the 8:50 service and by the time I was done leading worship after the 10:10 service, there wasn't much left to do! So I grabbed some leftovers from the event and went home. I was planning on a nap, but a friend called and chatted with me for a long time and by the time we were done chatting, it was time for me to head back to church for confirmation & youth group.
It was a pretty good night with them. It was really cool teaching the confirmation kids about Sabbath. We lit a candle and I led them through how to do a devotion with their family for some "sabbath time" each day. It was very calming and they did well with it.
Hanging out with the high school kids was cool too. There are so many people in our youth group that have such huge potential to grow, serve, and be amazing contributors in God's kingdom. I wish I could show them how great they are and that they would own that. They are capable of such great things, but I'm not sure how to open them up to those capabilities. God has gifted so many of them so hugely. It is going to be an interesting challenge to help them realize this potential and guide them in an avenue where that potential can come to fruition. God is moving.
But today...today is a day of rest. Yesssss.
All day Friday and Saturday I was at church, along with about 6 other people, decorating and getting ready for the fundraising gala. We were rushing around until the last minute, but everything got done and turned out really well.
The kids served dinner and drinks. We also had silent auction baskets, several raffle items, and a couple of live auction items. The kids did 3 little routines to 50's songs. The girls danced to "He's So Fine" and I sang to a split track. That was pretty fun. Then later in the evening, I sang "At Last" by Etta James and people were calling me "Etta" for the rest of the night and on Sunday morning. It was a full, but fun night. I left church around 11:30pm, only to return at 7am for Sunday worship. Man, it was rough getting up. Worship went well though, for all 4 services, so that's good.
During the 7:30 service, we learned there was going to be an event in the fellowship hall that evening, which meant we had to clean it up before then. Kids started cleaning after the 8:50 service and by the time I was done leading worship after the 10:10 service, there wasn't much left to do! So I grabbed some leftovers from the event and went home. I was planning on a nap, but a friend called and chatted with me for a long time and by the time we were done chatting, it was time for me to head back to church for confirmation & youth group.
It was a pretty good night with them. It was really cool teaching the confirmation kids about Sabbath. We lit a candle and I led them through how to do a devotion with their family for some "sabbath time" each day. It was very calming and they did well with it.
Hanging out with the high school kids was cool too. There are so many people in our youth group that have such huge potential to grow, serve, and be amazing contributors in God's kingdom. I wish I could show them how great they are and that they would own that. They are capable of such great things, but I'm not sure how to open them up to those capabilities. God has gifted so many of them so hugely. It is going to be an interesting challenge to help them realize this potential and guide them in an avenue where that potential can come to fruition. God is moving.
But today...today is a day of rest. Yesssss.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
ramblings of a tired girl
I'm tired.
This is going to be a full, but fun weekend, I think. I just need to keep thinking of it that way and not get tired or overwhelmed.
We have a big youth fundraiser going on that is requiring lots of work and coordination. It's going to be pretty cool too. :)
I'll be honest, though. I'm looking forward to Monday when I can sleep in and take my Sabbath/day off. It's exciting. :)
I don't really have much to say, but I realized that I hadn't posted in awhile. I guess I've been so busy and such that I haven't really been that reflective and therefore haven't had much to blog about.
I've been thinking about my "call" a lot lately. (I usually put that word in quotations...I think it's because I can't really wrap my head around it and people throw it around so loosely in Christian circles.)
First of all, I don't know what my call is. Secondly, there's a lot of things I could justify feeling "called" toward. Third, I don't know how to know. Haha. I mean, I like the "delicious ambiguity" of life. I've always been one to find excitement in the unknown. I know God will work it out, but I would still like some clarity. A hint, please?
That and I have a challenge to meet my neighbors within this next week. If I don't, Pastor David gets to pick a community class for me to take...soooo....I'm going to try to meet this goal. I'm thinking of baking something (gasp) and giving it to them. Hmm...we shall see. I technically did introduce myself to one of the people a couple of days ago, but I only spoke with him briefly and already forgot his name. I guess that doesn't really count. :S I want to have more friends though, so I pray that God helps me to get motivated/presents some opportunities for me to meet them and blesses those relationships.
I really don't have anything else worthy of being said. I'm a tired girl.
This is going to be a full, but fun weekend, I think. I just need to keep thinking of it that way and not get tired or overwhelmed.
We have a big youth fundraiser going on that is requiring lots of work and coordination. It's going to be pretty cool too. :)
I'll be honest, though. I'm looking forward to Monday when I can sleep in and take my Sabbath/day off. It's exciting. :)
I don't really have much to say, but I realized that I hadn't posted in awhile. I guess I've been so busy and such that I haven't really been that reflective and therefore haven't had much to blog about.
I've been thinking about my "call" a lot lately. (I usually put that word in quotations...I think it's because I can't really wrap my head around it and people throw it around so loosely in Christian circles.)
First of all, I don't know what my call is. Secondly, there's a lot of things I could justify feeling "called" toward. Third, I don't know how to know. Haha. I mean, I like the "delicious ambiguity" of life. I've always been one to find excitement in the unknown. I know God will work it out, but I would still like some clarity. A hint, please?
That and I have a challenge to meet my neighbors within this next week. If I don't, Pastor David gets to pick a community class for me to take...soooo....I'm going to try to meet this goal. I'm thinking of baking something (gasp) and giving it to them. Hmm...we shall see. I technically did introduce myself to one of the people a couple of days ago, but I only spoke with him briefly and already forgot his name. I guess that doesn't really count. :S I want to have more friends though, so I pray that God helps me to get motivated/presents some opportunities for me to meet them and blesses those relationships.
I really don't have anything else worthy of being said. I'm a tired girl.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
reflections.
I'm amazed by how much reflection plays into living a healthy life.
I remember loving the movie "Mulan" when I was young. I could so relate to her. She was tough and bold and had a sense of a greater purpose. She wasn't the most beautiful or graceful girl. She was real and heroic. I liked her. I still do. I remember her song Reflections. It was all about her identity crisis. She was trying to be someone that her parents would be proud of and that her outside appearance and actions could match who she felt she was inside. It's a pretty deep song for a Disney movie.
Getting some distance from internship while I was on retreat has been a time to reflect upon all of the reflecting I've done during the past 6 months. I've had an amazing realization of how much I've grown. Just through personal reflection about my past, who I've been, who I strive to be, and all the experiences that have played into that, I've grown so much as a person. I feel that working through and thinking through those things has made me a healthier person as well.
I made a list a few months ago and it is simply a list of things I'm learning about myself. It's cool because it's the first step. Knowing yourself and being self aware about who you are and what's affected you in your life is a huge step. From there, it's figuring out how who you are and your experiences affect how you live right now. For example, I came from a family that doesn't really show much affection or affirmation of how much we love each other. Therefore, it is not easy for me to show affection or say that I love people. To make it to the second step is an amazing victory. The third step, however, is the most difficult. It's making a decision about what to do with those findings. Am I going to give in to what's been taught to me or am I going to change? Some things instilled in me are positive that I most definitely want to keep and others could be traded for better habits. It's an interesting and extremely healthy process. Once you know who you are and where that has come from, it puts the responsibility on you and how you choose to react to those things. It's very interesting and introspective.
Something valuable for all of us to reflect on: In what ways (good and bad) have your parents shaped who you are right now? It's a great question and a really scary one if you think about it in light of having kids someday.
Lots of healing has come from this process and I feel a lot lighter about who I am and that I have a lot of room to grow in. The process will continue, but for now, I thought it was necessary to note that I've seen progress.
Sometimes it's difficult to see growth when you're in the midst of it. Taking a step back a couple of weeks ago really made that clear to me. I praise God for using this opportunity to grow and stretch me in ways I didn't know I needed.
Reflection. It can be difficult to process through, but without it, it is really difficult to actually know who you are and who you can become. It's all part of that "moving forward" idea. The past is the past. Jesus makes all things new. It's easy to let the weight of baggage wear on you. It's mucking through it and moving on to what He has in store. There is freedom.
I remember loving the movie "Mulan" when I was young. I could so relate to her. She was tough and bold and had a sense of a greater purpose. She wasn't the most beautiful or graceful girl. She was real and heroic. I liked her. I still do. I remember her song Reflections. It was all about her identity crisis. She was trying to be someone that her parents would be proud of and that her outside appearance and actions could match who she felt she was inside. It's a pretty deep song for a Disney movie.
Getting some distance from internship while I was on retreat has been a time to reflect upon all of the reflecting I've done during the past 6 months. I've had an amazing realization of how much I've grown. Just through personal reflection about my past, who I've been, who I strive to be, and all the experiences that have played into that, I've grown so much as a person. I feel that working through and thinking through those things has made me a healthier person as well.
I made a list a few months ago and it is simply a list of things I'm learning about myself. It's cool because it's the first step. Knowing yourself and being self aware about who you are and what's affected you in your life is a huge step. From there, it's figuring out how who you are and your experiences affect how you live right now. For example, I came from a family that doesn't really show much affection or affirmation of how much we love each other. Therefore, it is not easy for me to show affection or say that I love people. To make it to the second step is an amazing victory. The third step, however, is the most difficult. It's making a decision about what to do with those findings. Am I going to give in to what's been taught to me or am I going to change? Some things instilled in me are positive that I most definitely want to keep and others could be traded for better habits. It's an interesting and extremely healthy process. Once you know who you are and where that has come from, it puts the responsibility on you and how you choose to react to those things. It's very interesting and introspective.
Something valuable for all of us to reflect on: In what ways (good and bad) have your parents shaped who you are right now? It's a great question and a really scary one if you think about it in light of having kids someday.
Lots of healing has come from this process and I feel a lot lighter about who I am and that I have a lot of room to grow in. The process will continue, but for now, I thought it was necessary to note that I've seen progress.
Sometimes it's difficult to see growth when you're in the midst of it. Taking a step back a couple of weeks ago really made that clear to me. I praise God for using this opportunity to grow and stretch me in ways I didn't know I needed.
Reflection. It can be difficult to process through, but without it, it is really difficult to actually know who you are and who you can become. It's all part of that "moving forward" idea. The past is the past. Jesus makes all things new. It's easy to let the weight of baggage wear on you. It's mucking through it and moving on to what He has in store. There is freedom.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
I get by with a little help from my....self?
I'm in awe of some of the people in the Bible. Not only about the fact that they got to hang out in person with Jesus in His human form, but because so many came to Jesus to ask for help. They were humble enough to put their pride aside, acknowledge that they needed help, and recognize that there was Someone greater that could offer them the healing and power that they needed.
I have a rough time with that. I would much rather prove that I can do things on my own. I was raised to think that asking for help is a sign of weakness. It is very difficult to ask for help, but ultimately it's an issue with the First Commandment. By thinking we have the strength to handle anything that comes our way on our own, we are saying that we are god.
I am learning that especially when a person lives alone, they must ask for help. It is imperative. If you are alone and don't ask for help, nobody is going to step in because nobody knows there is a need. I am learning that asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, but an attribute of a healthy and self-aware person. It is a mark of a person who is big enough to admit fallibility and humble themselves.
This is such a difficult lesson to learn, but I know that if I don't really take initiative in asking for help, it's going to hurt me more in the long run.
This is maturity--knowing when you're in over your head and seeking help before you drown.
I have a rough time with that. I would much rather prove that I can do things on my own. I was raised to think that asking for help is a sign of weakness. It is very difficult to ask for help, but ultimately it's an issue with the First Commandment. By thinking we have the strength to handle anything that comes our way on our own, we are saying that we are god.
I am learning that especially when a person lives alone, they must ask for help. It is imperative. If you are alone and don't ask for help, nobody is going to step in because nobody knows there is a need. I am learning that asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, but an attribute of a healthy and self-aware person. It is a mark of a person who is big enough to admit fallibility and humble themselves.
This is such a difficult lesson to learn, but I know that if I don't really take initiative in asking for help, it's going to hurt me more in the long run.
This is maturity--knowing when you're in over your head and seeking help before you drown.
Monday, February 2, 2009
I can feel it coming back again...
I've been in a bit of a funk lately.
I know part of it is coming off of the high of intern retreat and seeing everyone at school and everything. Part of me has a renewed sense of purpose and enthusiasm for ministry and my job. The other side of me is really in a state of withdrawal.
I just feel exhausted. It's really turned me back to God's Word which I totally denied while I was in Minnesota (what's up with that?!?). I haven't been able to sleep and I just feel heavy about a lot of different things. Some are good things that I am reflecting upon and sorting through. Other things are just really weighing on me. I laid in my bed for about 4hrs on Saturday night and I was just overwhelming myself with thoughts and so I began to pray. I prayed for hours. About everything...just dumping it all out. Some things I prayed about over and over until eventually God just rocked me to sleep. I don't know what's up with this. I don't really feel stressed...just heavy.
Wow. Satan has been twisting things and weighing on me and I have been blind to it. Anyway...I'm not a stranger to that. He attacks especially when we are feeling vulnerable. This sense of lethargy is surrounding me. I think some of that comes from the realization of how much I really do miss my friends and also all of this thought about discerning my call and area of ministry. I have no idea what the future holds and because it's difficult right now for me to hone in on something, my focus is spread all over and I'm exhausted in exploration and thought.
I feel like my brain just exploded onto the blog. Eww...brain guts.
God is peace. God is peace. God is peace.
Psalm 16:7-11
This passage is getting me through.
I know part of it is coming off of the high of intern retreat and seeing everyone at school and everything. Part of me has a renewed sense of purpose and enthusiasm for ministry and my job. The other side of me is really in a state of withdrawal.
I just feel exhausted. It's really turned me back to God's Word which I totally denied while I was in Minnesota (what's up with that?!?). I haven't been able to sleep and I just feel heavy about a lot of different things. Some are good things that I am reflecting upon and sorting through. Other things are just really weighing on me. I laid in my bed for about 4hrs on Saturday night and I was just overwhelming myself with thoughts and so I began to pray. I prayed for hours. About everything...just dumping it all out. Some things I prayed about over and over until eventually God just rocked me to sleep. I don't know what's up with this. I don't really feel stressed...just heavy.
Wow. Satan has been twisting things and weighing on me and I have been blind to it. Anyway...I'm not a stranger to that. He attacks especially when we are feeling vulnerable. This sense of lethargy is surrounding me. I think some of that comes from the realization of how much I really do miss my friends and also all of this thought about discerning my call and area of ministry. I have no idea what the future holds and because it's difficult right now for me to hone in on something, my focus is spread all over and I'm exhausted in exploration and thought.
I feel like my brain just exploded onto the blog. Eww...brain guts.
God is peace. God is peace. God is peace.
Psalm 16:7-11
This passage is getting me through.
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