Today was such a daunting and humbling day. I've been tossing about this idea of Sabbath lately. It's really a mandate that God gave to us to rest and reflect on what He has blessed us with. It is a day to relinquish control and depend on God to provide. My professor said something profound..it went something like this "if you think that you have to depend on yourself to work 7 days a week to survive, there is something wrong." Basically we tell God that we'll take care of ourselves and don't need His help. Do we not think God is going to provide for us and so we have to work a little bit more on that free day? I don't know. Satan works in ways that are all too nice looking from the exterior. Anyway...tomorrow (which is really today) is going to be busy and so I thought I'd try Sabbath on a Friday. This is really the first time I've consciously tried to observe a Sabbath even though I've been pondering it because of views that I've heard about if from friends and Rob Bell. So I tried "Sabbathing" today...but it went kind of crazy. It started out nice and slow. I got up early and enjoyed the morning chatting with my supervisor over coffee. I was planning on keeping the rest of the day low key, but I got emails all day on Thursday about a meeting that had to be rescheduled to Friday, I was asked to playing music for worship, I received an email about voice studio, I thought of a form that HAD to be signed, and two retreats that I made commitments to. Oh goodness...it wasn't Sabbath. My attempt failed miserably. I think God showed me today that I have a huge control issue that I need to let go of. On top of all this activity and such, a girl from my community passed away this morning and I was on the phone with my parents and friends to hear information and check on everyone. Reflecting upon all of this the following lyrics came into mind.
Healer heal me
Savior save me
Maker change me
Lover love me
Cuz I'm so tired of living for
The kind of love
That only lasts for awhile
The pain, the shame
Tear me up inside
So I fall on my knees
To get back on my feet again
And I cry out for You
To hear you speak to me
Yes I fall on my knees
To get back on my feet again
And I run hard for You
To enter Your rest
By the middle of the day, I was in deep need of healing. Those lyrics kept running over and over in my head. "I run hard for you to enter your rest." That seems silly. I'm running around to enter His rest. I don't know if that's what I'm supposed to be doing, but that's what I am doing. I'm running around to serve God, but I'm not allowing myself to accept how He serves me. That is the meaning of Sabbath. We thank God for how He has provided for us and live on Him for that day. I would encourage you to observe Sabbath in your own life. Rob Bell doesn't check email, turns off his phone, and doesn't do anything on his "to do" list on the Sabbath. One of my friends said that she did all of her homework in college on Saturdays so that she had the entire day to Sabbath on Sunday. My professor challenged us by asking if our friends and family would be able to tell which day in a week that our Sabbath was. They couldn't today, but I want to change that. As my good friend reminds me, growth is a process and this will take some time and some getting used to. God has given that blessing of Sabbath to me to take advantage of!
Well, the day ended pretty well. I do have a bump on my head and shed a few tears from the stressful day behind me, but that is what really showed me that Sabbath isn't something to be taken lightly or imposed upon. It is holy. Even the day that I meant to make Sabbath ended up in stressful, painful, and tired tears. That's an eye opener. So Sabbath is definitely going to be something to work towards this semester.
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