reflections.

I'm amazed by how much reflection plays into living a healthy life.

I remember loving the movie "Mulan" when I was young. I could so relate to her. She was tough and bold and had a sense of a greater purpose. She wasn't the most beautiful or graceful girl. She was real and heroic. I liked her. I still do. I remember her song Reflections. It was all about her identity crisis. She was trying to be someone that her parents would be proud of and that her outside appearance and actions could match who she felt she was inside. It's a pretty deep song for a Disney movie.

Getting some distance from internship while I was on retreat has been a time to reflect upon all of the reflecting I've done during the past 6 months. I've had an amazing realization of how much I've grown. Just through personal reflection about my past, who I've been, who I strive to be, and all the experiences that have played into that, I've grown so much as a person. I feel that working through and thinking through those things has made me a healthier person as well.

I made a list a few months ago and it is simply a list of things I'm learning about myself. It's cool because it's the first step. Knowing yourself and being self aware about who you are and what's affected you in your life is a huge step. From there, it's figuring out how who you are and your experiences affect how you live right now. For example, I came from a family that doesn't really show much affection or affirmation of how much we love each other. Therefore, it is not easy for me to show affection or say that I love people. To make it to the second step is an amazing victory. The third step, however, is the most difficult. It's making a decision about what to do with those findings. Am I going to give in to what's been taught to me or am I going to change? Some things instilled in me are positive that I most definitely want to keep and others could be traded for better habits. It's an interesting and extremely healthy process. Once you know who you are and where that has come from, it puts the responsibility on you and how you choose to react to those things. It's very interesting and introspective.

Something valuable for all of us to reflect on: In what ways (good and bad) have your parents shaped who you are right now? It's a great question and a really scary one if you think about it in light of having kids someday.

Lots of healing has come from this process and I feel a lot lighter about who I am and that I have a lot of room to grow in. The process will continue, but for now, I thought it was necessary to note that I've seen progress.

Sometimes it's difficult to see growth when you're in the midst of it. Taking a step back a couple of weeks ago really made that clear to me. I praise God for using this opportunity to grow and stretch me in ways I didn't know I needed.

Reflection. It can be difficult to process through, but without it, it is really difficult to actually know who you are and who you can become. It's all part of that "moving forward" idea. The past is the past. Jesus makes all things new. It's easy to let the weight of baggage wear on you. It's mucking through it and moving on to what He has in store. There is freedom.